Command Collapse
by Kretolus
Summary: With the seemingly endless string of conflicts finally finishing, the Federation shifts its priorities back to exploration. With peace, comes time to think and reflect, and to relax. But will the memories, the horrors of war stay in the past, or will they come back in force.
1. Weakness

**Author's note:**

 **Hello everyone, and welcome to my new story set in the universe of Star Trek Online!**

 **First of all, I would like to assure my current readers not to worry, the Age of the Dragon is not going anywhere. I have been writing this story whenever I was stuck with Villen's adventures, and needed a change of scenery. So our dear knight's adventures will continue, I just got a bit stuck again.**

 **That being said, this is for now just a side story I'm writing, which means it won't get as many updates probably. This may change if a lot of people are interested, but I'm not promising anything.**

 **This story, I originally didn't mean to post until it was finished, but I was asked by a friend to do so, so here it is.  
Speaking of you can go and check him out at MaliceUnchained ( u/6986077/)  
He's got some good stories and is just a generally really cool guy ;]**

 **When it comes to the lore itself, I think the most important thing I changed from the game, was spreading the conflicts its choke full of over a larger time frame. Always thought that one year was a bit ridiculous for the amount of stuff that happened.**

 **But enough rambling! Enjoy!**

* * *

U.S.S. Relentless, third ship to bear that name, floated deep inside a blue nebula, out in the far reaches of space. On the mission of exploration, the Federation finally able to return to its roots, after years of almost unending conflicts. The Relentless was a refitted Galaxy-class, its three nacelles shining brightly with red and blue light, the spinal lance breaking the sleek lines of the ventral part of its saucer, and pair of phaser cannons installed on top of it. A warship that left its mark on many fronts, and a testbed for a variety of experimental technologies and upgrades. Fresh from repairs in the drydock, the new coat of paint covering many scars she earned in war.

A young woman was sitting in the captain's chair. A pattern of dark spots trailing down her creamy skin on the sides of her face and into the collar of her uniform shown she was a Trill. She was dressed in the, standard issue, Odyssey type, officer uniform. Its shirt consisted of three colors, dark gray on the collar and shoulders, a blue stripe running across the torso, separating the last, black part of the remaining part of the garment. The same blue undershirt poked out from below the collar, a small patch just at the front. On the right side of the collar, three vertical, silver stripes were pinned, signifying the rank of Commander. A black belt with a silver buckle, the logo of the United Federation of Planets etched into it, run across her waist, helping to keep the black trousers of the uniform firmly in place. The trouser legs split slightly at the front, revealing black shoes. The only nonstandard thing on the uniform was the combadge, pinned over the officer's left breast. It consisted of two, golden trapezoids, aligned vertically, their longer sides facing each other, separated by a small gap. A thick, silver contour of a typical combadge was attached in front of them.

Commander Jidzi Grahn was looking down at the PADD she was holding in her left hand, her light blue eyes scanning over the text. Her right hand was absentmindedly running over the tip of her low tied ponytail, the brown hair resting on her shoulder.

Upon finishing reading the report, she tried to relax in the chair, but found herself preoccupied with other thoughts. They were back on the frontier again, back to exploration where the Federation's ships belonged. And yet before this ship knew only war, and the calm that settled over the bridge was something Jidzi still wasn't quite used to. Even after their extended shore leave.

The galaxy was still calming after the string of conflicts that plagued it, the last of the fighting still dying down. But they were sent out here, as a symbol that the Federation would return to its roots as a force of exploration and peace. Jidzi smiled at the thought that, it must have taken a considerable amount of effort from the admiralty to send them away, when there were still ways they could have helped. A job for other captains, it would seem.

The reason for the admiralty's difficulty was the commanding officer of the Relentless. Fleet Admiral O'Neill was not keen on leaving unfinished business behind, especially if she felt that she could help and be useful. It was the consensus of almost the entire command, including many of the captain's friends and the adamance of Fleet Admiral Jorel Quinn to finally convince her. The Federation needed a representative flagship out on the frontier again, and the Relentless fit that role perfectly. Plus, it gave them more opportunities to test the ship..

Its attendance in every conflict made it a perfect testbed for experimental tech, that needed to be tested in the field. Admiral O'Neill always supported the idea, it helped further science and, more importantly, had the potential to save lives of the crew and others. And it did, on many occasions. The ship was powerful and durable, the various redundancies in its systems making it extremely difficult to disable, and experimental weapons, like the spinal lance, and shields helped turned the tide of more than a few battles. Sometimes the reputation of the Relentless and her fearless captain was enough to avoid conflict. They were downsides to it as well of course. Advanced technology made them a tasty target of various attacks, and the significance of the ship to the morale of the fleet made sure if often took the brunt of the fire during battles. But the ship held strong, kept from falling apart by the combination of its technology, the expertise of the crew and the intelligence of her captain, as well as her unfaltering will that rallied so many to her.

Jidzi's thought lingered on the captain. She was friends with her in the Starfleet Academy, and got her first assignment with her. And on that memorable day, when admiral O'Neill, then an ensign, took command of the first Relentless, a Constellation-class cruiser when all of its senior staff were wiped out by borg boarding parties. They received a distress call from the Vega colony, and being one of the few nearby ships, they responded. The Borg attack was sudden, and they quickly spread all over the ship. O'Neill rallied the defenders and they fought their way from engineering up to the bridge, managing to take control of the ship back. With the help of the U.S.S. Adamant and the U.S.S. Independance they managed to defend the colony long enough to evacuate at least some of the people, before retreating when a massive force of Borg reinforcements entered the system.

That's when it all begun, and after that, the captain rose through the ranks quickly, and took Jidzi with her. She received the honor of being her First Officer, and she clung to that as hard as she could, repeatedly denying promotion to captain. And she wasn't alone in that endeavour. Two of her closest friends, both survivors of the Vega attack, both friends of theirs from the Academy years, stayed as well, and the three of them followed their captain through many dangers. O'Neill herself only took a promotion up to Admiral after many assurances that she could keep her ship, and still be out on the frontlines, helping the cause. That was accomplished easier than usually, everyone was needed out there during the war.

And then her thoughts took a darker turn. The captain hasn't exactly been herself recently, and despite the woman's assurances that everything was fine, Jidzi couldn't help but worry. The fact that the normally overly active captain started spending more time away from the bridge than on it, was the first clue. And there were many others. Ever since they returned from shore leave, the captain kept more to herself, her posture was more slumped, and she often looked lost in her thoughts.

She was thrown out of her musings by voice coming from her right. "Excuse me, sir." She turned to look at the young ensign, Friesinger, she recalled. He held out a PADD towards her. "I have another report for you, sir."

Jidzi took the it, and gave him the PADD she was holding. "Thank you, ensign. Please pass this one back to commander K'veph, if you will."

"Of course, sir." The young man nodded and marched off towards the turbolift.

Jidzi scanned through the report and then placed it on the seat to her right. She sighed, looking at the blue visage of the nebula, swirling on the viewscreen.

"I have to say, I am enjoying charting this nebula more than I thought I would." A voice came from the side, and she spotted Nelen Exil, a Voth scientist making his way down the ramp and towards her. They rescued him after he helped the Federation against other Voth in the Solanae Dyson Sphere. Betrayed his people to potentially save millions of lives. The reptilian adjusted well to his life in Starfleet, finding its openness a welcome change from the incredibly controlled ways of the Voth. He gave Jidzi a smile as he sat down in a chair to her left.

"Yes, I agree. As boring as I'm sure many find it, it is a welcome change of pace." She looked back at the viewscreen. "It's good to finally do what we trained for."

"Indeed." Nelen's smile suddenly disappeared and he lowered his voice. "A shame the captain is not enjoying it as much."

Jidzi let out a long sigh. "She claims she's fine, but we both know this isn't true. I have no idea how to approach her, but I have to, before the crew grows too restless. Many have noticed the change in her, not that it's difficult."

Nelen smiled. "You should just talk to her. There is clearly something on her mind and if there is anyone on this ship she will confide in, it's you."

Jidzi nodded. "I tried, but I suppose there is no harm in trying again." She placed her hand on the reptilian's shoulder. "Let's hope I can get through to her this time."

"I'm sure you'll manage." He smiled again.

Jidzi nodded. "Computer, locate the captain."

A female voice responded. _"Fleet Admiral O'Neill is in her quarters."_

"Of course." She muttered, standing up from the chair. "You have the bridge, Mister Exil." She said and after receiving a short nod from the scientist. She made her way to the turbolift. Upon entering it, she turned around to face the exit. "Deck 8." She said, and the doors closed with a whoosh.

* * *

Jidzi found herself getting more and more nervous as she approached the captain's quarters. She took a deep breath when she reached the door, and pressed a button on a panel next to it. A characteristic chime sounded. She waited for a response for a few moments, and after not receiving any she hit the button again. And again a bit later. "Computer, locate the captain."

" _Fleet Admiral O'Neill is in her quarters."_ The female voice responded yet again.

This made Jidzi even more worried, as she pressed the button again. "Captain, is everything alright?" She asked through the door, a sense of urgency in her voice. After not getting any response yet again, she yelled louder. "Captain! This is Jidzi, are you okay?!" The distress she felt was clearly audible in her voice, and she hit the door several times. Finally growing frustrated she took a step back. "Computer, open this door, security override, authorization Grahn-Epsilon-Pi-5-5-3." The door slid open in front of her and she immediately stepped in. The room was in darkness, the only light coming in from the corridor, and the dimly shining nebula outside. "Computer, lights." She said, and looked around, the room now properly illuminated, searching for the captain. She noticed the back of her head, her brown hair tied into her usual high ponytail, spread over the back of on armchair. Jidzi moved towards her. "Captain?" She made her way around the chair, and noticed that the woman was staring off into space through one of the windows, a distant look in her eyes. Her dark yellow skin looked paler than usual, contrasting harder with the dark, bony spots that surrounded her face, arching on the forehead to meet and go down her nose. Her interestingly pink eyes reflected the blue hue of the nebula. She was wearing the Odyssey flag officer's uniforms, the golden and red accents as much a symbol of her rank as the five admiralty pips on both sides of her collar. But her uniform was open, the read undershirt clearly visible, the intricate belt with the UFP logo lay discarded on the floor. "Captain, are you alright?" Jidzi moved her hand to lay it on the officer's shoulder but as soon as she touched it, the captain jumped, startled, and she withdrew her hand.

O'Neill looked up at her, her stare still distant and she blinked a few times, focusing on the person in front of her. An expression of confusion appeared on her face. "Number One? What are you doing here?"

"I came to check on you, sir." Jidzi replied.

"You could have just knocked, instead of barging in here."

Jidzi was about to smile, used to the captain's sense of humour, but she stopped herself, realising that it wasn't meant as a joke. There was underlying aggression in that statement, that made her worry deepen. "I- I did, sir."

The captain's features shifted, turning into disorientation. She looked back out into space. "Oh." She said quietly.

"Sir…" Jidzi started, expressing her concern. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." The woman responded, her face turning blank, and voice emotionless. "I'm fine."

"I'm sorry, Sir, but with all due respect, that's not true. I'm not the only one to notice the change in your behaviour, and I know you, so-"

"Commander." The captain's firm and cold voice interrupted her, taking her by surprise. The woman rose from her chair. She was almost a head higher than Jidzi and the first officer had to look up to meet her eyes. "It is not your place to lecture me."

"Sir?" Jidzi opened her eyes wider in surprise and took a few steps back. But she would not be so easily deterred. "I can see there is something on your mind, and I thought-"

"Well you were wrong." The captain was getting visibly annoyed, a reaction that Jidzi was not used to seeing from the normally collected and calm captain. This served only to further reinforce her belief that something was very, very wrong.

Jidzi straightened her posture, standing almost at attention as she looked the captain straight in the eyes. "Permission to speak freely, Captain?"

"Denied." The officer narrowed her eyes at her, and Jidzi fought to prevent the look of surprise from appearing on her face. This was not usual at all. Still she decided to go all in, in an attempt to get through to her friend.

"Well tough, because I'm going to anyway. I'm worried about you, sir, we all are. All of the senior officer know something is wrong, and I'm sure soon the rest of the crew will too. You've been acting erratically recently, barely appearing on the bridge, and even if you are there, you're distant and unfocused. I have your best interests in mind, sir. But also those of the crew. Do not forget that I'm also a medical officer. As much as I would hate to do this, if you will not tell me what's wrong, I will have to ensure your health in a different way, sir." She kept her eyes steadily on the captain's, unwavering in her conviction to help her friend. Even if she think she doesn't need it.

"Is that a threat, Commander?" It was the captain's turn to straighten herself further, making Jidzi tilt her head even further back.

"I really don't want it to be. But I am prepared to do what is right for the crew and for you." Her voice broke a little. "Even if it means declaring you unfit for command."

She noticed O'Neill clenched her jaw. "Are you planning a mutiny, commander?" The anger in her voice startled Jidzi. She never heard it before, but she managed to keep her stern mask on. She was too determined to falter now.

"No. And I'd much rather not do this. So please… Please, sir, I'm worried about you. You know you can talk to me, about what's going on. Let me help you, there is no need to face whatever it is alone. No need to sit locked in your quarters. You should be out there with your crew, as you have always been. A will of this ship, that drives it forward. I really want to help you, you're my friend. But you have to tell me what's going on." She looked deep into the captain's eyes. "Please, Eilis, let me help."

She noticed the captain's features soften, the anger leaving her only to be replaced by a deep sadness. Their eyes were still locked together, Jidzi staring defiantly up at her, and she noticed tears starting to form. Suddenly the woman in front of her collapsed to her knees and buried her face in her hands, sobbing uncontrollably. Taken aback by this reaction, Jidzi knelt down next to her. A barely audible voice, broken up with sobs, came through the woman's palms. "I'm sorry Jidzi… I'm so sorry."

Jidzi leaned in and hugged her. The ranks between them disappeared for a moment and they were just two friends, one trying to comfort the other. "It's alright, Eilis. It's all going to be okay." Jidzi held her until she stopped crying. It took a few minutes for the captain to calm herself, and as she did, Jidzi helped her up and led her back to the armchair she was sitting in before. She let her slump down into it and then grabbed a chair for herself, sitting opposite the captain. Maybe slightly closer than she meant to.

Eilis wiped the final tears from her eyes. She looked up at her friend. "I'm so sorry Jidzi. I didn't mean what I said." Her voice was trembling.

"Don't worry about it. I understand." She responded, giving her a reassuring smile.

"No." The captain shook her head. "No you didn't deserve to hear that. No one did, but you especially. You've been there for me from the start, and I could always depend on you." She lowered her head. "That outburst was unbecoming of a Starfleet officer." Jidzi noticed that she tried to hook the zipper of her uniform, but was struggling because her hands were shaking.

Without thinking, Jidzi grabbed one of her hands gently, making the captain look up at her. She looked the other woman straight in the eyes, with the warmest look she could give. "Eilis, as incredible and strong as you might be, you are still a person. Things like these happen, even to the best." A soft, reassuring smile formed on her lips. "Do not focus on that. What's important, is that you tell me what's been bothering you, so we can help you get through this."

"A-alright." Eilis said weekly. "I hoped I would manage on my own but I… And I wanted to tell you but… And I didn't…" The captain struggled for words, her voice shaking with emotions.

It pained Jidzi to see ker captain in this state. The weakness was so uncharacteristic of her. She recalled many times the captain's steel, unfaltering will and quick wit saved them. The fact that she always stood strong, a shining beacon of hope even in the darkest of moments. And now there she was, curled up on a chair, barely able to speak. Jidzi gently squeezed the captain's hand. "It's alright Eilis, take it easy."

Her friend looked her in the eyes, the appreciation and gratitude clear in them, as she steadied her breath. A few moments later she felt ready to speak. "I… I am no longer in control of my emotions. My- my mental defenses are breaking down." She took a deep breath. "I think I overburdened them."

"What do you mean?" Jidzi realized that, even though she served with Eilis for a long time, her species was still a great mystery to her, and the rest of the Federation. There were only three members of the species in Starfleet. She knew that there was an illness affecting many of them, and that Eilis was one of the immune. She also knew that while most of their physiology was known, their extraordinary brains somehow resisted all forms of scanning. And from the autopsy results they got from their planetary government, they found out that, while sharing certain parts, all brains were slightly different, like fingerprints for humans, which led to many mutations, both dangerous and beneficial. And Jidzi knew that it was a somewhat taboo subject, that none of the species were too comfortable discussing.

"I'm able to consciously control my emotions." The captain's voice still quivered. "Unlike the vulcans I can… choose which of them I want to feel. This ability is meant to be used sparingly, in crisis situations. But I… The war it…" She struggled to express herself, fighting desperately to stay calm, trying to control the overwhelming emotions. She felt Jidzi's thumb move across her hand, and focused on the contact to not lose control.

"You used it too much?" Jidzi asked, her concern clearly audible in her voice. It remained Eilis that there were people that cared for her, which only gave her more strength.

"I… I had too. As a captain I had to set an example. It was difficult to see the Federation almost crumble under the pressure from its enemies. It was time to act, and as a captain, I gambled with lives of my crew every time I made a decision. I needed to be sure, so I pushed fear and doubt away. I needed to be strong, to show them that we can persevere, that we can uphold the values of the Federation against all odds. I couldn't be weak, I couldn't cower in fear from our enemies, I couldn't give into despair that tightened its grip around me… But I failed my crew, Jidzi…" Tears started running down her face again. "So many died. And now I feel my strength leaving me… How can I set an example as an officer now, when I feel my mind crumbling around me…"

Jidzie moved to her captain and hugged her tightly. "Eilis, your crew will not lose their respect for you if you show weakness. We all know you will manage to overcome it. You have kept us alive through so many incredible dangers. You were that beacon of hope, the person we all aspire to be. But even the strongest may falter under the weight of their burdens, their emotions. Perhaps it is our time to repay you, to bring you through this darkness, just like you lead us for all those years." She let go of her and knelt down next to her chair, looking right into Eilis' teary eyes.

"I don't understand, Jidzi…" She shook her head, her voice still trembling. "I don't understand why you still follow me. After so many died. After all the stress I put on the crew. Always volunteering the ship for difficult missions… Always throwing it in the thick of battle…" The look on her face grew more and more absent, the flood of memories washing over her. Another squeeze of her hand brought her back.

"You did what had to be done, because you knew your crew would manage it. You've always put great faith in us, and that gave us determination to not disappoint you. You gave all we did purpose. You ensured that not one death on this ship was in vain. People gave their lives for the cause, knowing that you will make it worthwhile. And you always did." She gave the captain a reassuring smile. "You should rest, take your time to process all of the emotions flooding your mind. And if you need anything, just let me know. I'll be there to help you."

Eilis looked at her first officer with a long look filled with appreciation. "Thank you, Jidzi. It means a lot to me." She smiled, which made Jidzi smile as well. She tried to get up, but felt drained, and wobbled on her feet. Jidzi moved to support her. "Help me get to the bridge. There is something I should have done sooner…" She moved her trembling hands back down to her uniform's zipper, struggling to hook it again.

With a nod, Jidzi helped the captain make herself look presentable, wiping of the tears staining her face with her thumb, and getting her uniform in order. Then she helped her out of her room, and lead her towards the turbolift.

* * *

"Captain on the bridge!" Jidzi said, as the turbolift doors opened, the attention of every officer on the bridge turning towards them. They all moved to stand at attention, Nelen Exil standing up from the captain's chair.

"At ease." Eilis said, desperately trying to make her voice calmer. She slowly made her way to the captain's chair, Jidzi following closely behind, ready to support her, should she stumble. Nelen took a step back from the chair, and gave a nod to the captain, and she responded with a small smile. But instead of sitting down, she turned a panel attached to the chair's armrest towards her and pressed a button, opening a channel to the crew.

"This is the captain, if I may have your attention." Her voice was still trembling, as she fought for control over her emotions. "Many of you may have noticed I… have not exactly been myself recently. It was something I thought I could deal with myself, but it looks like I cannot. I have been suffering from a rare…" She paused, taking a deep breath. "Mental affliction, and now I find myself unfit to command." Jidzi moved closer to her and opened her mouth to speak, but Eilis raised her hand to stop her. "So I will transfer command of this fine ship to Commander Grahn, for the foreseeable future. I expect you all to follow her, as you would me. Thank you for your time." She pressed the button again, and turned to her first officer. "Computer, transfer all command codes to Commander Grahn. Authorization O'Neill-Sigma-Lambda-9-8-5."

Jidzi looked at her, eyes wide in surprise. "Sir, I don't think-"

The captain raised her hand once again, stopping the other woman from speaking. "This is for the best. The afflictions of mind are… difficult to cure for my people. I don't know when or even if this will end. And I want you in command of the Relentless, because I don't know anyone better suited for it." She placed her hand on her friend's shoulder. "I want you to make a report to Starfleet Command about this. And please, Jidzi, should anything happen, remember that your first duty is to the crew."

The look on Jidzi's face turned to confusion for a moment, and then realization dawned on her. She dropped her gaze. "I understand, sir. And you will get through this, I know you will."

She looked back up at the captain, and straightened her posture. "I relieve you, sir."

"I stand relieved." She smiled weakly, letting go of her friend shoulder, and turning to leave. The bridge staff assembled in a line, marking her way to the turbolift, all standing at attention and saluting. Eilis made her way along them slowly, entered the lift, turned around to face the bridge and saluted them back. "Deck 8." She said, her voice still weak, and disappeared behind closed doors.


	2. Brother

**Author's note:**

 **Well, what were supposed to be minor changes to a ready chapter changed into a rewrite basically.  
As a word of warning, the third chapter will probably be a while, I've it barely written.**

 **Thank you to tremor3258 for your review! I'm glad you're liking the story so far, and I hope you will continue to enjoy it!**

 **Have a good read!**

* * *

With the captain gone from the bridge, Nelen turned to Jidzi. She was still standing in the same spot the captain left her, stunned. The Voth scientist begun ushering other officers to return to their stations.

Jidzi slowly walked to the captain's chair, and slumped down into it. She raised her hands to rub her temples and her gaze turned distant, as she stared at the shimmering, blue nebula through the viewscreen.

A million thoughts raced through her mind in a desperate search of a way to help her captain. She took the time to process what Eilis told her, to recall what she was thought in the Academy, and to sift through her experience and knowledge, trying to find something useful.

Then a touch on her shoulder startled her back to reality. She looked up to see Tala Sh'era, the ship's Chief Tactical officer. The andorian woman was leaning over her, her short, white hair moved forward under the force of gravity, a pair of light blue antennae poking out of it, angled sideways. Over the years Jidzi learned, that this meant she was concerned. "You alright?" She asked. Straight to the point, as usual.

"No, I wouldn't say that." Jidzi responded, raising from the chair. Tala took a step back from her, to give her space. "I need to contact Command. Continue charting the nebula for now." She still had a distant look on her face, looking off to the side. "I will be in the ready room. Tala, you have the bridge."

"Riight." She heard Tala say behind her. Not looking at anyone else, Jidzi made her way across the bridge to the ready room door, putting as much confidence in her stride as she could, and entered quickly. After she heard the door close behind her, she took a few more steps forward and leaned on the desk. Taking deep breaths to remain calm, she looked over the room. She didn't get to visit it often, the captain liked to spend her time on the bridge, and whenever she was in here, she had that weird habit of coming out if she needed anything, instead of calling people in. The considerable time the admiral spent in this room was usually filled with debriefings with other captains, war effort coordination or receiving secret orders. And writing letters of condolences, or personally contacting families of deceased crewmembers. None of these were things that Jidzi particularly wanted to interrupt.

Looking around the room, she noticed a surprising lack of decorations. The ready rooms of the previous two ships O'Neill commanded were positively filled with various souvenirs and mementos that the captain cherished. Maybe it was a sign of more intensive conflicts this ship had to go through and the admiral wasn't willing to spend the time to decorate, with the uncertainty of tomorrow hanging over them constantly. Jidzi made a mental note to discuss this with her friend at a later date.

The only decoration in the room, were three golden models of ships and a picture frame on the desk. Each of the models represented a ship that bore the name _Relentless_. The Contellation-class cruiser, that served them exceptionally well for its age, was lost in the defence of New Romulus from Elachi forces. They moved to save a republic warbird, the R.R.W. Aeglos and took a brunt of fire from several ships. The Aeglos managed to retreat, but the _Relentless_ wasn't so lucky. Her warp-core destabilised and they had to abandon ship. Still the sacrifice only helped solidify relations between the Romulan Republic and the Federation, and it made sure that the name _Relentless_ continued.

The second model represented an Excelsior-class. Even though these types of ships were starting to slip into obsolescence at that point in time, there were still very formidable, especially retrofitted with newer tech. And it proved its durability, especially during its last flight. The Undine launched their massive attack on Earth, and the _Relentless_ was quick to respond. After punching their way through to Earth Spacedock and fighting to secure it, Eilis and Admiral Tuvok found out that the real target of the invasion was Qo'noS. Even though the ship was already badly damaged, O'Neill ordered her to the Klingon homeworld, rallying other Starfleet captains to her. Jidzi recalled how hard the engineers had to work, just to keep the ship from falling apart under high warp. After more intense fighting, their warp core blew, and the captain barely survived, her escape pod almost getting incinerated in the explosion. Still, as the Klingons put it, it was a glorious victory, and one that directly lead to cessation of hostilities between the Federation and the Empire.

And the last model, was of the current _Relentless_. She had taken them through the most intensive conflicts, taking on more than, probably, the two other ships combined, and even though they sometimes hat to limp into a dock, she never disappointed. The experimental tech did wonders, and the substantial redundancies to the ship's systems made it very hard to disable.

Jidzi moved around the desk, sitting down in the chair. Her eyes were drawn to the picture on the desk. It represented Eilis and her twin brother, William, on academy graduation day. Jidzi sighed, looking away from the photo, and to a display monitor built into the desk. "Computer, hail Vice Admiral O'Neill's office at Starfleet Command."

The connection came quickly, and after a brief talk with the admiral's secretary, she was told to wait a moment for the admiral to respond. Before Jidzi could do anything, the man's friendly face appeared on the screen. He looked different than in the photo. His yellow skin looked distinctly greener, and dark lines of veins were visible on it. A sign of the disease that affected many of his people. And yet his green eyes were full of life, and a wide smile stretched across his lips. Jidzi met the admiral on several occasions in the past. He and his sisters shared many traits of character, although William was more withdrawn, and much more comfortable with a desk job than Eilis. And so he took his admiralty more ordinarily, and assumed a more organisational role in the fleet.

"It is good to see you, Jidzi. It is a pleasant surprise." He said, a warm look in his eyes.

"Normally, I would agree, sir… But the circumstances are less than ideal." Jidzi said, sadly, and noticed the admiral's smile fade.

"Has something happened?" His voice turned serious, and he focused his entire attention on the commander.

"It's your sister, sir. She's… not well." Jidzi struggled to keep her emotions in check, and the words were not coming out easily.

"What's wrong?" William tensed up visibly.

"I- I still don't quite understand it, sir. But the captain said, that she is losing control of her emotions. She mentioned, that she might have overburdened her mental defences. Do you have-" The words got stuck in her mouth as she noticed the expression of dread on the admiral's face. "S-sir?" She managed to stammer out.

"Is that what she said? Did she say she consciously controlled her emotions for long periods of time as well?" She could hear the slight tremble in the admiral's voice, even though he clearly tried to hide it.

"Yes, sir. As I understood it all throughout the wars." She nodded, getting more and more nervous at the officer's reaction.

The admiral fell back against his chair. "Throughout the wars…" She barely heard him say. He stared blankly forward and shook his head slowly. Then his eyes focused back on Jidzi, and his face turned more expressionless, as he straightened his posture. "I assume, by the fact you are contacting me, she removed herself from command."

"Aye, sir." Jidzi said immediately, surprised at the sudden shift in the admiral. She wondered quickly if he had perhaps used his control as well.

"Good. Revoke her security codes as well and confine her to her quarters." He kept his voice calm.

Jidzi's eyes widened in surprise. "S-sir?" She managed to stammer out.

"Listen to me very carefully, commander. The state Eilis is in is, or is about to become, highly volatile, and potentially very dangerous both to her, and anyone near her. She will not be thinking clearly, likely under complete control of one emotion after the other. There is a possibility that she will be able to maintain a measure of control, put this extensive use of this ability is unheard of, so I am not optimistic. Frankly, it's a miracle she didn't have a break down earlier." He kept his eyes locked with Jidzi's and the woman gave him her complete attention, the sense of horror growing steadily in her heart. "Place a security detail outside her quarters, preferably consisting of telepaths with strong mental defences, or people unaffected by telepathy. I will start gathering what I need, and will try to set out as soon as possible to meet you."

"Y-yes, sir." Jidzi's did her best to remain as calm as possible. "Should we start heading back to Earth? We could rendezvous-."

"No." The admiral cut her off. "There have been instances of subspace heaving an adverse effect on people with her condition, and even though these were rare cases, I am not willing to take that chance. Maintain your position. I will try to get there as soon as I can, but, unfortunately, the preparations may take some time."

"Understood, sir. Could I ask for any medical records of people with this condition? Perhaps my crew could find something, some way to help the captain." Jidzi inquired.

"I will have the records sent to you." His features softened suddenly, and he sighed. "I hope, against hope that you will find something, Jidzi."

"We will try our best, sir. I can promise you that." The commander answered, her voice filled with determination.

"I'm sure you will. Just please… Make sure she doesn't hurt anyone. I know she would never be able to forgive herself." He settled back into his chair, and looked off to the side slightly, looking at some object outside of the frame.

"I will, sir. But is there really nothing else we can do? I'd hate to sit by when the captain needs help." She asked, a tinge of hope in her voice.

The admiral regarded her for a moment, and then let out another sigh. "What I should do, is order you to keep away from her, for your own safety." He paused for a second. "But… I would rather not give you an order, I know you won't follow. I know Eilis trusts you. More than anyone. I won't ask you to do this, because it will most likely be dangerous, but it's possible you would be able to use your bond with her to help her, to keep her focused, in control. This might not work though, so consider your options carefully. Starfleet would be dealt a serious blow, if we lost both of you…" He looked to the side again.

"I won't let that happen, sir." Jidzi's voice trembled, but it was also clearly filled with determination.

The admiral gave her a small smile. "I wish you luck, Jidzi. And…" He dropped his gaze for a moment, and took a deep breath. A moment later he looked back at her, and his features changed again to be more stark and neutral. "Remember you are responsible for the safety of your crew, and your duty is to them first. Should Eilis become a serious threat to them, she…" His voice cracked for a moment, and sadness flooded his face. "She should be dealt with accordingly. Do you understand?"

Jidzi nodded slowly. "A-aye, sir. I'll do my best so it doesn't come to that."

"I know. Thank you Jidzi, and may fate be kind to you. To all of us." The admiral nodded. "I will try to get there as soon as I can. O'Neill out." The admiral disappeared from the screen, his face replaced by the logo of the UFP.

Jidzi slumped back in her seat, feeling tears gather in her eyes. The situation turned out more dire than she anticipated. But then, she almost jumped out of the seat, with a sudden rush of determination. She needed to act, and ensure the safety of the crew and her captain. This would not be accomplished by crying and waiting for things to get better. She was driven to help Eilis. She couldn't disappoint her, not now when she needed her most.

She stormed out of the ready room, the head of officers on the bridge turning to her at the sudden intrusion. She approached Tala, who was standing in front of the captain's chair. Jidzi stopped in front of the Andorian, and noticed the expectant look on her face. But there will be time to discuss this in a moment. "Computer revoke Fleet Admiral O'Neill's security clearance on board the _Relentless_."

" _Authorization from the commanding officer, as well as the first or second officer is required for this task."_

"Authorization Grahn-Lambda-Delta-7-3-5." Jidzi said calmly, and then directed her gaze at Tala. The other woman hesitated for a moment.

"Authorization Sh'era-Omicron-Iota-1-5-2." She said, narrowing her eyes slightly at Jidzi.

" _Authorization recognized. Security clearance revoked."_

Jidzi nodded at Tala, and moved past her, turning the panel on the captain's chair towards her. She pressed one of the buttons. "All senior staff report to the observation lounge in ten minutes." She then turned back to the Andorian. "Tala, get Kyn, and the two of you gather a security detail, consisting of either immune to telepathy, or the one's with strong telepathic defences and post it in front of the captain's quarters. No one without my specific permission is to leave or enter that room. Then the two of you join me and the rest of the senior staff for briefing."

"Aye, sir." Tala replied. Always the soldier, she sensed the urgency in Jidzi's voice and knew it wasn't the time to question her orders. The pair separated, the Andorian heading to the turbolift, and Jidzi to the back of the bridge, towards the observation lounge.

As soon as she entered the spacious room, she let out a sigh. "Computer locate the captain."

" _Fleet Admiral O'Neill is in her quarters."_

"Seal the door to the captain's quarters. Authorization Grahn-Epsilon-Pi-5-5-3."

* * *

Jidzi was sitting in a chair at the head of the long conference table that occupied the space in the middle of the room. She looked up from the PADD she was reading when she hear the door to the lounge open.

The first one to arrive was the ship's Chief of Operations, Commander Kovar, a Cardassian, who entered lost in thought, his head tilted downwards slightly, his hand running across the bony ridge of his chin, and then through his short, black hair. He joined the crew after the _Relentless_ helped the Cardassian Union with their True Way problem, as well as the dominion remnant in the quadrant, calling themselves the Alpha Jem'Hadar. He used to be an officer on the Galor-class cruiser _Tentak_ , which run joint operations with the _Relentless_ as a sign of good will from both the Federation and the Cardassian Union. He gave Jidzi a small nod, which she returned, and took his seat.

Next to arrive was Nelen, the ship's Chief Science Officer, who, Jidzi noticed, kept his reptilian eyes firmly on her, no doubt searching for any clue of what was happening. After he joined, he was quick to befriend the crew, showing an open mind so rarely seen in the members of his species. Always hungry for knowledge and surrounded with the variety of cultures of the Federation, he made for an eager listener. He said many times, that joining Starfleet was the best decision of his life, and that he was eternally grateful to the captain for providing him with that opportunity.

Another unusual member of the senior staff was Terrance, the Chief Medical Officer. He An experimental hologram, an improvement over the existing Emergency Medical Holograms. Unlike them, he was created with constant operation in mind, and the holo-emitters installed throughout the ship allowed him the freedom of movement, and the ability to get to any emergency almost instantly. Provided with an ability to grow and improve, not only in the medical sense, he developed quite a unique personality. A more controlled case than the famous Doctor from the _Voyager_ , but impressive nonetheless. One of his quirks was that he prefered to walk everywhere, instead of just transferring himself between emitters, unless the situation called for a rapid response. He chose to appear as a middle-aged human male, his short black hair graying slightly at the sides, and sporting a full beard. One that projected thoughtfulness and dignity, as he said.

He was engaged in conversation with another officer when they entered the lounge. This one, a more usual Andorian was Commander Thelan K'veph, Chief Engineer. He had short, white hair, and was stroking his goatee as he talked. Him, Tala and Jidzi were amongst the surviving crew of the first _Relentless_ and they kept with their captain to this day.

The last two to arrive were Tala and Lieutenant Commander Kyn, the ship's Chief of Security. Kyn was a Breen, wearing his special mask, with a glowing blue visor, and a light brown environmental suit needed for him to survive in the environment normal for the rest of the crew. He joined up after he helped the captain against his own, during the Breen invasion of Deferi space.

Jidzi straightened in her chair, placing her PADD on the table, as Tala took a seat to her right. She looked over the room, the various faces of her fellow officers staring back at her, some probably unseen elsewhere in the fleet. Captain Va'kel Shon of the _Enterprise_ often joked that they were stealing his thunder, with the _Relentless_ being called the Federation flagship of diversity. The senior staff alone was living proof that the title had backing behind it. With the ship taking part in all the major fronts of each conflict that plagued the Federation since the start of their career, the admiral had ample opportunity to impress allies and enemies both. With some switching sides and joining the valiant captain, she used her position and influence to get them into shortened, intensive courses at the Starfleet Academy, pretty much standard in the times of war, so that they could become fully fledged officers. The rise through the ranks was almost a formality for some of the more driven and experienced at that point.

Jidzi focused all of her energy into sounding confident. "I have contacted Starfleet and received new orders from Vice Admiral O'Neill. We are to maintain our position and await his arrival. In the meantime the captain is detained to her quarters, for hers and the crew's safety. As we are far from any Federation outpost, in mostly uncharted territory, I want a higher level of readiness to be maintained on the ship. Nelen." She turned her head to the Voth officer. "I want you to scan for any natural phenomena that could threaten the safety of the ship. We have to know if we are to move away early, as I would like to avoid using the warp drive."

"Why?" Thelan asked.

"Apparently subspace could have an adverse effect on the captain, in her current condition." Jidzi noticed the clear worry on her fellow officer's faces. In the confines of the observation lounge, hidden from sight of their subordinates they could allow themselves to show it.

"Do we know what this condition is? Or how to treat it?" Terrance spoke up, his first instinct was to try and find a cure.

Jidzi lifted the PADD for a moment. "Admiral O'Neill arranged for any data they had to be transferred to us. I want you to look it over, and try and find a way to either help the captain, or at least know what she should avoid doing. The condition itself makes the victim lose control of their emotions, making them volatile and possibly dangerous." The others exchanged glances, the revelation only increasing their worry. "That is why she will be isolated in her quarters. Terrance, if you find anything, we will consult with the admiral before attempting any treatment. If the captain becomes a… serious danger to the crew…" Jidzi couldn't help but pause and swallow, before continuing. "I agree with the admiral, that the safety of the ship and her crew comes first."

"You don't mean-" Tala started, staring at her wide-eyed.

"You all know what that means. I hope that it won't come to that, and it will be our last resort. To help in the captain's rehabilitation I have volunteered myself to keep her company, and try to get her through this. Tala." She turned to the Andorian. "As the second officer, I will leave you in command of the ship. I want it running with peak efficiency, to welcome the captain back. Terrance." Jidzi turned her head towards the photonic. His brows were furrowed, as he was no doubt processing what she told him, and most likely downloading the information from Admiral O'Neill. I want you to be ready, should I call on you. As a hologram you should be relatively immune to whatever the captain may go through, and I may need you." She paused and run her gaze across the room. "Any questions?"

"Sir." Tala started, after looking over the room as well, seeing the reactions of the others. "If the captain really could be dangerous, I don't think it would be advisable for you to-"

Jidzi raised her hand in a stopping gesture. "That is not up for discussion. The captain deserves to have someone to support her now, and I won't allow anyone else to take the risk. I will head to her quarters after the briefing. Again, no one else is allowed inside until the arrival of Admiral O'Neill. I would also ask you to refrain from contacting me, besides in the matters of utmost importance." She nodded and looked to the rest. "Anything else?"

After a moment of silence and exchanging glances, nobody said anything. Jidzi took that as her cue to continue. "Very well. You have your orders and you all know how to keep this ship running." She rose from her chair. "That would be all. Dismissed."

The other rose, and after giving Jidzi nods started filing out of the room. The two Andorians were the only ones that remained behind. They both approached the woman.

"How are you holding up, Jidzi?" Tala said, giving her a worried look.

"As well as might be expected." She replied, with a small smile. "But don't worry, I'll manage. There are more important things on my mind."

Suddenly the Andorian woman threw her arms around her and pulled her into a tight, affectionate embrace. "Be safe, Jidzi." A moment later they parted, Tala still having her hands on Jidzi's arms. "And bring her back to us."

"I will do my best." She struggled to keep her emotions in check.

She felt Thelan's hand on her shoulder. "We know you will. Just make sure you get back as well, alright?" His antennae twitched slightly.

"I will." She nodded.

"Good luck." They both said, and turned after nodding. They left the room, glancing back just before the door.

As soon as she heard the door close, Jidzi allowed her shoulders to slump, and she took a deep breath. "I hope I won't need it." She muttered. She turned to look out the window, the blue swirls of the nebula ever present outside. "But it looks like we will need it in droves."

Heaving a sigh she straightened her posture again, and marched out of the room.

* * *

The turbolift doors opened with an audible swoosh and Jidzi stepped out of it. She made her way down the corridor, noticing how much more difficult it was to make this trip than normally. Turning the corner she encountered the security detail guarding the door. The Vulcan lieutenant in charge saluted her when he spotted her, a gesture she returned. She stopped in front of the entrance and steeled herself. Turning her head to the lieutenant she nodded, and the two closest officers raised their weapons, ready, just in case. She turned back to the door. "Computer unseal this door, and then reseal it after I go through. Authorization Grahn-Epsilon-Pi-5-5-3." The door slid open and she stepped through into the captain's quarters. She heard the entrance sealed behind her.


	3. Treat

**Author's note:**

 **Chapter three is here and sooner than I expected!**

 **Thank you to tremor3258 for another review! I'm glad you're still enjoying the story!**

 **And thank you to my friend, MaliceUnchained, for your review and continued support!**

 **Now enjoy!**

* * *

The spacious room Jidzi entered was dimly lit and eerily silent. She looked around, but didn't notice Eilis anywhere. "Captain?" She asked into the silence. When she received no response, the worry in her heart multiplied tenfold. Casting another look around the room, she turned towards the door to the bedroom, bright light emanating through the doorway. Jidzi took a few careful steps towards it. "Eilis? Are you in here?" She tried again. This time her call was answered, she heard a sound, what seemed like a quiet whimper coming from inside the bedroom. Resisting the urge to rush forward and check, she continued cautiously and steadily to the door.

She peeked inside, running her gaze across the room. On the right of the door, against a wall stood a small cupboard, surrounded by boxes. All of the souvenirs and memorabilia from the captain's career were stored in them, and Eilis brought them with her when she returned from her shore leave. Now that the ship wasn't in constant danger of being destroyed, she must have wanted to decorate. Jidzi moved her head, looking past the door to the bathroom and towards the bed, the blue light of the nebula shining outside the window over it. She frowned when she didn't notice the captain, and took a step inside. But then she heard another whimper and movement coming from the right. She stopped and turned her head towards the source of the noise.

Jidzi's heart sunk at the sight in front of her. Tucked into the corner, in the narrow gap between the bed and the wall, was Eilis, curled up, her knees pressed hard to her chest. Jidzi gasped and the captain raised her head at her, and pushed back, as if desperately trying to back away, to sink into the wall.

That sight alone would have made Jidzi's heart ache, but there was something else. Something worse. For the brief moment when their eyes locked, that one second before Eilis shut her eyes and curled up even tighter, shaking, Jidzi saw, what terrified her and filled her with despair.

She had seen fear in others before, and far too many times than she would like. The war had made her all too familiar with it, and with how it filled people's eyes, both ally and enemy.

The eyes of a young officer or crewman, when they first went into battle.

The eyes of an experienced warrior, who fought through it, and though they hid it well.

The last glimpse of a captain's eyes, transmitting his last distress call, as his warp core breached.

The fear that filled the eyes of those who were on the brink of death, and those who remained standing.

War bred fear, and Jidzi wasn't only a witness of that. She was a victim of it too, saw it in her own eyes as well.

But these eyes in front of her, they were different. It wasn't mere fear that was in them. They were filled to the brim with unspeakable terror. An all consuming dread. Jidzi physically felt it, most likely due to the captain's uncontrolled psychic abilities, and it pierced her to the core, almost making her want to run away and hide somewhere. The feeling was overwhelming, concentrated as if the fear she would have felt throughout the conflicts was focused in one point in time. It took all of her self control to not just escape from the room, and still she was left trembling and almost unable to move. She shuddered, if this was how it affected her, how must Eilis feel in that moment.

Jidzi closed her eyes and began calming herself, using all the experience of fighting and overcoming fear she earned during her career. There was a factor that made it much more difficult however. The one person she could always count on for support, the usually shining beacon of hope and courage, was now curled up on the floor in front of her. Jidzi felt a new wave of determination wash over her, to help Eilis in her time of need, and it helped her push the fear from her mind.

She opened her eyes and took a few gentle, careful steps towards the captain. Each one was answered by a quiet whimper. Jidzi knelt down at the entrance to the little space between the bed and the wall. "Eilis." She said as calmly as she could, smiling warmly at the captain. When the woman lifted her head and fixed her with a terrified stare, she fought the urge to shudder. "Eilis, you are safe. You have nothing to fear." She wanted to extend her hand towards the woman, but even a slight movement made Eilis curl back up, and push her face between her knees. She was like a scared child, like an orphan that somehow survived a destruction of a colony. Acting more on instinct than conscious thought, with fear rampaging in her mind.

Jidzi thought for a few moments, struggling to find a way to get through to the captain. Then an idea dawned in her brain. She retreated from the bedroom as slowly and carefully as she could. She made her way across the other room and approached a replicator on the wall.

"Two Earth milk chocolate bars." The replicator's beam lit up, and a moment later the ordered food appeared inside of its small alcove.

Jidzi grabbed the two plates the chocolate came on and turned towards the bedroom. She recalled the first time the two of them tasted the Earth delicacy. It was back in the academy days, they were studying for a Federation History exam, when one of their human friends, Anais Grom, gave them some chocolate to try, saying it always helped her relax. Jidzi enjoyed the treat very much, but Eilis simply loved it. She had actually been left speechless and stunned by the taste, and it apparently tasted so good to her, she couldn't even find words to describe it. As they later found out it was the unique arrangement of her taste receptors that allowed her to enjoy it so much. It has quickly become her favourite treat, one she often ate when celebrating.

It was that association of chocolate with something good or pleasant that Jidzi counted on, as her means to reach the captain. She earned herself another whimper as she passed through the door to the bedroom. Kneeling back in the same spot, she placed both plates in front of her, and slowly pushed one of them towards Eilis, leaning forward so that it ended up over halfway between them. When she retreated back into her kneeling position, Eilis looked up at her. Seeing that, Jidzi smiled and carefully snapped a bit off the chocolate bar remaining in front of her. "I've brought chocolate." She put the piece in her mouth and let out a satisfied sound. "You love, chocolate, don't you Eilis?" She kept her voice quiet, calm and soothing. She hoped the child-like approach would work. Jidzi shifted her position, trying to avoid any sudden movements, to be now leaning against the wall, with legs outstretched in front of her. She assumed it will take time to get a reaction out of Eilis, so she got more comfortable. Snapping of another piece of chocolate and eating it, she made a few encouraging gestures towards the other woman, keeping a warm smile on her face. She placed her plate on her thighs, and took another bite, closing her eyes and turning her head forward, in hope that the lack of her attention on Eilis, will prompt the woman to move.

Jidzi sat in silence, focusing on remaining calm and making herself seem as nonthreatening as possible. If she could sense the captain's fear, perhaps Eilis could sense her emotions on some level as well. Time seemed to drag as she waited, but after a few minutes she felt the waves of fear pressing at her mind subside slightly. A quiet rustle of clothing came from her right, and she fought the urge to look, instead keeping her eyes closed, and her head pointing straight. And then came the awaited sound of a chocolate bar snapping. She let a few more moments pass and opened her eyes, turning her head slowly towards Eilis, now crouched by the plate. The captain flinched, but the fact she didn't retreat from her position was promising, and Jidzi gave her a warm smile. "It's alright." She snapped another piece from her chocolate and lifted it up to her mouth. "Enjoy it." She said softly.

Eilis eyed her suspiciously for a few moments, and then took another bite. And then another. And another. Jidzi felt the fear around her lessen even more, but still, its presence lingered. When Eilis devoured her chocolate, Jidzi snapped a bigger piece from her own, and extended her hand slowly towards the other woman. "Want some more, Eilis?" She kept her warm smile up.

Eilis didn't move for a few moments, her eyes darting between Jidzi's face and the piece of chocolate in her hand. Then she carefully moved forward, her body tense and ready to retreat at a moment's notice. She reached forward and snatched the piece of chocolate, retreating a few steps. It pained Jidzi to see her proud captain in such a state, but she fought those feelings, covered them with better thoughts. She snapped off another piece and offered it to Eilis again, this time holding just a bit closer. "There is still some left." She said softly, giving the captain an encouraging look.

She approached again, more boldly this time, and didn't retreat as far when she took the piece. They repeated this unusual ritual a few more times, and by the time the last piece was eaten, Eilis remained right beside Jidzi.

The Trill woman gently picked up the plate from her thighs, and set it on the floor to her side. "Well, there is no more left, seems you ate it all." She turned to the woman next to her and gave her an apologetic smile.

Eilis looked her in the eyes for a few moments, and then she quickly moved forward, curling up on top of her, nestling her head into Jidzi's shoulder. Jidzi was surprised by the sudden reaction, but quickly brought her hands around the woman, hugging her gently. She ran her hand slowly down Eilis's head a few times and then rubbed her back reassuringly. "You're safe, Eilis." She spoke softly, quietly so she wouldn't disturb the trembling woman in her arms too much. "It's going to be alright. You're safe. You don't need to be afraid."

Jidzi didn't know how long they sat like this, her trying to soothe Eilis with gentle words and reassuring touch, the other woman trembling in her arms, her heart pounding away in her chest. But ultimately it started working. Eilis stopped shaking, her breathing steadied and her heart rate dropped to the more usual level. And, more importantly, the fear emanating from her grew weaker and weaker.

Some time later, Jidzi felt the captain stirr. Eilis lifted her head and blinked rapidly a few times. She looked up at the woman holding her. "Ji.. Jidzi?" She stammered out.

Jidzi smiled and nodded gently. "Yes, Eilis, I'm here. Don't worry, I'll help you get through this."

"No." Eilis shook her head and backed away from her, breaking her embrace. "No, no, you shouldn't be here." She bolted up to her feet, and Jidzi also started to get up, her concern for her captain growing again. "I can't… I can't control myself." She backed away all the way against the opposite wall, and raised her trembling hands to her face. "It's dangerous for you to be here. I could hurt you and I- I-"

Jidzi interrupted her by pulling her back into a hug. "I know Eilis, I'm aware of the danger." She held the trembling woman once again, and heard her muffled sobs. "I spoke with your brother, he will come with some way to treat you."

"I don't... want to hurt you, Jidzi… But I don't… I can't…" Eilis struggled to get the words out in between her sobs.

Jidzi rubbed her hand up and down the captain's back. "I know. And I'm here to help you through this. I followed you for so long, and you always have been there for me. And I will not abandon you now. Try to calm down, Eilis. I know it's difficult but you must try to stay in control."

They stood like that for a few more minutes before Eilis stopped crying. She straightened herself and pulled away slightly. "Thank you, it means a lot."

"It's what friends are for." Jidzi smiled. "And I know you would do the same for me."

"Are… are you sure you want to do this? If something happens to you, I don't think- I won't be able to forgive myself." Eilis shook her head and looked down to the floor, tears starting once again to run down her cheeks.

"It wouldn't be your fault. Besides…" Jidzi lifted her captain's head, and dried the tears with her thumbs. "I can handle myself. I learned from the best." She smiled a reassuring smile.

Eilis responded with a small smile of her own, then she embraced the other woman again. "Thank you, Jidzi. I'm glad you stayed."

"No better place to be, Eilis." She returned the hug. When they parted, the captain swayed on her feet. "You must be exhausted. When was the last time you rested?" The battle against overwhelming emotions must have been extremely tiring to the captain, and Jidzi hoped sleep would help.

"I- I don't remember." Eilis answered sheepishly.

"Maybe a long sonic shower and some sleep will help, hmm?" Jidzi suggested with a smile.

"It doesn't." Eilis hanged her head low and let out a sigh.

Jidzi placed her hand on the captain's shoulder. "Still, some relaxation is always nice. And you need rest. So go on ahead, I'll wait in the other room." After receiving a nod of confirmation, she left the bedroom taking the two plates the chocolate came on with her.

She place them back in the replicator, and then busied herself checking over the room, cleaning up discarded clothes, and a half-eaten Delovian souffle. Some time later she heard the bathroom door open, and she approached the door to the bedroom, knocking on the doorframe.

"Come in, Jidzi." Eilis sounded spent, and she looked up at her lazily when she entered.

"Are you feeling any better?" Jidzi asked, stepping into the room.

"If anything I feel even more exhausted." Eilis answered with a small smile.

Jidzi returned a smile of her own. "Good, means you're more likely to actually sleep."

"Indeed." Eilis let out a light chuckle, and Jidzi's heart rose at the small expression of humour.

She pointed behind her, at the door. "I'll be in the other room if you need anything, I hope you don't mind."

Eilis must have been to tired to argue, as she sluggishly made her way onto the bed. "Thank you." She muttered, as she laid down, grabbing the covers to tuck herself in.

Jidzi took a few gentle steps back, and paused in the doorframe. "Computer, lights." She said and the dim, blue light of the nebula, and the light coming from the other room remained the only sources of illumination. She backed away even further, closing the door with a press of a button on a panel on the wall.

Jidzi turned and walked away from the door, heading to the other side of the room. As soon as she felt she was far enough away, her shoulders slumped and she let out a heavy sigh. She leaned against a nearby wall and rubbed her temples. Fighting the unpleasant feelings when she was around Eilis and keeping up the warm and welcoming appearance, despite the overwhelming sense of dread exhausted her, which only made her more worried about the captain's condition. She hoped that the seemingly limitless strength of character Eilis had shown many times during her career will allow her to get through this situation as well.

Jidzi tapped her combadge. "Grahn to Terrance."

"Terrance here." The reply came shortly after.

"Have you managed to get through the files sent by admiral O'Neill?" Jidzi asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

"I… have yes." Jidzi doubted that the slight pause in the statement meant anything good.

"What have you learned?" She asked, desperately clinging onto hope.

"I'll be honest, sir, not much. The Zan-Eth brains are incredibly unique, and not only in comparison to other species, it seems, but among their kind as well. This makes it incredibly hard to treat any type of mental condition, since there is next to no way to tell how a specific brain will react to the treatment. Add to that the fact that mental diseases are incredibly rare among them and the particular condition affecting the captain is one of the most uncommon of them." The photonic doctor stated. He seemed quite agitated by the subject.

"That doesn't bode well, Terrance." Jidzi responded, sounding deflated.

"I went over the handful of cases of the captain's condition, and I am not hopeful. On two occasions it simply passed, although one of those lasted thirty six years, and the other, while ending much faster, only after three years, left the patient in a state of perpetual apathy. Only one treatment devised to this point worked on more than two occasions, and each one also killed at least one other patient it was tried on after. Those are not good odds, sir." Terrance stated sadly.

"No." Jidzi sighed. "No they are not. What about that one treatment with most success?"

"It was done using telepathy, sir. A strong telepath could help the afflicted person regain control over their emotions and reestablish their mental defences. Since actual telepaths, that can influence others, are incredibly rare among the Zan-Eth and the telepath in question must have a good mental control as well, for it to work, the treatment was only carried out on a few occasions. One of which ended up with the patient transferring the condition to the telepath, and one where both were left with it." Terrance ended with a long sigh.

"That is not good news. What about developing a treatment of our own?" Jidzi fought the overwhelming sense of dread that came over her, and somehow managed to sound calm.

"I'll be trying day and night, sir, but with no way to scan the captain's brain, nothing to compare it to even if I could, and the only read on it being the molecular structure I got from our transporter logs, which in itself seems inconsistent, I don't have much to go on. Like you said, sir, it does not bode well." He let out a frustrated sigh.

"The molecular structure is inconsistent?" Jidzi asked, and surprise was clear in her voice.

"Yes, sir. I assume that the Zan-Eth brains are highly adaptive, able to even change their structure to better suit their environment. That is why many Zan-Eth usually choose one function for themselves and keep it their entire lives, getting progressively better at it. I suppose that can be one of the reasons for their rapid cultural and technological development, but I'm a doctor, not a xenosociologist. Ordinarily I would call that kind of adaptability incredibly fascinating, but as it stands it's yet another obstacle on my way to developing the cure." The overwhelming odds against coming up with a viable treatment made it seem almost pointless to try, but Jidzi knew it would not deter the photonic man.

"I see. Well, keep at it, Terrance, if there is someone who can find something, it's you doctor. In the meantime, prepare some stimulants for me, just in case, and have them ready to be transported to me." Jidzi kept up her calm attitude. She was in command now, and that meant her own feelings took second place. She almost laughed at the irony of that thought.

"Aye, sir. But don't think I won't regulate your intake of them. I think they should add a mandatory course about benefits of sleeping for all officers at Starfleet Academy. Especially for the future command staff." Jidzi couldn't help but chuckle at the hologram venting his frustrations.

"Alright, doctor." She interrupted him, before his rant could gain momentum. "I will do my best. I still want you to prepare those stimulants, for emergencies. Let me know if you make any progress on the cure. Grahn, out." She tapped the combadge again. Her mood had already started to sour again, and she walked over to the sofa, standing under the large windows, and she slumped onto it. She grabbed one of the small pillows and threw it to the other end of the couch, and shifted her position to lie down. "Computer, lights." She said after getting comfortable, and a moment later only the nebula outside was shining its dim, blue light into the room.

Her brain was in turmoil. She had noticed something was wrong with the captain before, and to have it confirmed, and for it to be that serious weighed heavy on her mind. She felt responsible, in a way, for the captain's condition.

Maybe if she had noticed it sooner, it wouldn't have been that bad?

Maybe if she offered her captain more support, she wouldn't have strained her control so much?

She pushed those thoughts out of her mind, it was not a time for them. Now she needed to be strong, for the captain and the crew both. She was lying on the sofa, staring out the slanted window looming over her, into the shimmering, blue nebula. Even though at first thoughts were racing through her brain, the mental exhaustion from the day slowly crept more and more in, making Jidzi's eyelids heavy, and at some point it became too overwhelming, and the young officer drifted off to sleep.


	4. Danger

**Author's note:**

 **Happy belated New Year! Here with a new (slightly shorter) chapter!  
Big thank you to my good friend MaliceUnchained for your review and continued support!  
I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

Jidzi stirred in her sleep, crinkling her nose slightly, as if sensing the nearby presence. She shifted her position slightly, unaware of the losing battle being waged in the person now looming over her.

Eilis's face was illuminated by the dim light of the nebula. Her entire body seemed to be shaking, her hand that she raised to her face even more visibly so. She kept her eyes shut, shaking her head side to side slightly. She was showing obvious signs of inner struggle, desperate fight to remain in control.

Suddenly her body turned rigid and still. She lowered her hand to her side, and opened her eyes, now fixated on the person lying in front of her. Her face contorted in anger, as she moved forward, placing one of her knees on the sofa.

Jidzi stirred awake, feeling the shift of the couch beneath her. In the dim blue light coming from the window she managed to make out her captain's silhouette, looming over her. "Eilis, has something hap-ghh." She was interrupted as the woman lunged forward, wrapping her hands around Jidzi's neck.

Jidzi immediately brought her hands up, trying to pry the captain's hands away. "Eilis… please…" She managed to rasp, before her attempts at speaking turned into desperate gasps for air. She bucked, trying to throw the other woman off, but to no avail. Being caught by surprise, by a stronger opponent, with a superior position, gave her little chance of success, but she kept trying.

Meanwhile, there was another losing battle Jidzi was fighting. She could feel the waves of anger, pure fury, emanating from the captain, and smashing into her own mental defences. All the while she was desperately trying to stave off the panic rising in her mind. Trying her best to think of a way out.

But her time rapidly run out, and she lost both her battles. Panic flashed across her face, as she locked her pleading eyes with Eilis's for a moment, right before her pupils turned upwards and disappeared into her head, and she felt consciousness slip from her grasp.

* * *

A sharp sting in her neck brought her back, violently, to the waking world. She shot up, sitting up on the sofa, and inhaling sharply. She felt a hand on her shoulder and recoiled instinctively, the panic still lingering in her mind.

"Easy, Commander." Jidzi managed to drive the fear away, and focus, Terrance's face coming into view. "No need to be afraid."

"Doctor?" Jidzi blinked a few times, her hand moving to rub a spot on her neck where a bit of pain from the sting remained. "What happened?"

"The Admiral called me." He said, running a hand scanner up and down in front of her, from her head down to her torso, and keeping his eyes focused on the medical tricorder in his other hand. "I stabilized you, and treated you." He run the scanner in front of her neck a few times, and smiled, clearly pleased with the result. He stashed the device in the side of his tricorder and closed it with an audible click, looking up at her. "I am happy to say there is no permanent damage." He narrowed his eyes and looked at her neck, moving to the sides, trying to get a better angle, to confirm what the device had already shown him. "Not even a sign of the bruises."

Jidzi considered his words for a moment. "Thank you, doctor. You've done an excellent job, as always."

"Of course. I am the embodiment of modern medicine after all. A bit of asphyxiation is not difficult to treat." The hologram responded, flipping the closed tricorder in his palm, and getting up to his feet.

The reminder of the incident flashed before Jidzi's eyes, causing her to swallow, and take a moment to steady her breathing. She kept a calm look on her face as she looked up at the man. "I would appreciate it, if you didn't mention this incident in your report, doctor."

The hologram gave her a quizzical look. "What incident?"

Jidzi couldn't suppress the low chuckle that left her mouth. "Thank you, Terrance." She got up to her feet slowly, avoiding sudden movements until she was certain, she would be able to hold herself steady. "Do you know where the captain is now?"

"In her bedroom. She has not left it since I arrived." He pointed at the locked door. As Jidzi tried to move past him, and towards the door, however, he stepped to the side, blocking her path. "Sir, I find it necessary to remind you that it is dangerous for you to remain here, on your own." He spoke slowly, and his expression turned serious.

"I am aware of the danger, doctor. Now more than ever. And I will not be leaving." Jidzi answered as seriously, her voice filled with determination.

"Ordinarily, I would keep my concerns to myself. I too don't wish the captain facing this on her own." The holographic doctor continued. "But as this ship's doctor I am responsible for the wellbeing of every member of the crew, and I have to advise against your further endangering yourself."

"Your advice is noted, doctor. But like I said before, I'm not leaving. I feel like I can get through to her, and the fact that I am still breathing, only proves it." Jidzi responded, her will unwavering.

"That doesn't fill me with optimism, sir." Terrance sighed. "But I will help you as best I can. No point in making the situation any more difficult."

"I appreciate it, doctor." Jidzi answered, giving the hologram a warm smile. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to check on the captain."

"Of course." He stepped aside, putting the tricorder into its slot in the small medical case, that was lying open on the coffee table. He closed the case, and straightened himself turning back to the woman. "Please, do be careful, sir"

"I will do my best, doctor." She smiled at him, nodding.

The hologram chuckled. "With all due respect, I doubt I'll live to see the day." Jidzi's smile widened at the comment, and Terrance nodded to her, before disappearing, the medical case dematerializing shortly after in a blue transporter beam.

Jidzi breathed a heavy sigh, before turning towards the bedroom door. She approached it slowly, steeling herself, calming her thoughts. Dreading what she would find on the other side. What state the captain will be in. A shiver of fear run down her spine, as she recalled the captain's eyes, brimming with anger, as she closed her hands on Jidzi's neck. She shook her head, pushing those thoughts away, adopting a calmer, more optimistic and reassuring stance. The captain was as volatile as her brother warned she could be, and Jidzi promised herself to do her best not to provoke any bad emotions in the captain. And so she reigned her fear in, focusing on her determination to help her friend, the urge to comfort her, and her certainty, that Eilis would never intentionally harm her. She steadied her breathing, cleared her head and stepped forward, using the panel off to the side to unlock the door.

It slid open with a familiar hiss, and Jidzi entered the small bedroom. Her eyes were quickly drawn to the captain, sitting at the far end of the bed, her legs curled up to her chest. A moment later, as if registering Jidzi's presence, Eilis looked up at her rapidly, and her breathing hitched. The captain was staring at her with eyes puffy and bloodshot from crying. After a moment passed, Jidzi noticed the glint of recognition flash across Eilis's face, quickly replaced by fear and sorrow.

Eilis scampered backwards, shutting her eyes, pressing her back against the head of the bed, shaking her head as she went. "No, no no no." She repeated, bringing her knees back to her chest and covering her face in shame. "You shouldn't be here. You should leave." She pleaded, her voice filled with desperation.

"Eilis…" Jidzi started, gently, and took a step closer.

"No, you really should leave. I'm dangerous." A series of sobs shook her body, as she tried to get further away, despite having the wall at her back.

"Eilis, look at me." Jidzi tried, only to have the captain lower her head even more.

"I… I almost… killed you." The captain's voice was broken, her voice coming out quiet in between sobs.

"But you didn't, that's what matters." Jidzi kept her voice calm, her tone reassuring.

"No." Eilis hook her head, curling her legs slightly more when she felt the bed shift, as Jidzi placed her knee on the bed. "Please leave." She was pretty much whispering now. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I know." Jidzi responded, scooting over to the captain and taking her into an embrace. She felt Eilis tense up, only to relax into the hold a moment later, as the remains of her restraint let go, and she stopped holding back her tears. Jidzi held her tightly, moving her hand up and down her back slowly, from time to time. She felt a wet patch on her shoulder, where the captain's tears started to soak through her uniform.

"I'm sorry." Eilis whimpered. "I'm so sorry."

"Shh." Jidzi shushed, running her hand over the other woman's hair. "It's alright. I know you didn't mean to."

More sobs shook Eilis's body, as she buried her face deeper in Jidzi's shoulder. In response, the woman held her more tightly, whispering soft, reassuring words to her. They stayed like this for a long while, and over time Eilis's crying lessened, turning into silent sobs, and finally ceasing completely. Shortly after her breathing steadied and she pulled away slowly, Jidzi's grip shifting down to her hands. She reciprocated the touch, interlocking their fingers, before looking up at her friend. Jidzi had a warm smile on her face, and her eyes were filled with care and compassion.

"I'm sorry." Eilis started weakly, and she felt the corners of her eyes burn, having no more tears to shed.

Seeing her captain, her friend, like this made Jidzi's heart ache. But, just as before, she focused on the thoughts of helping Eilis, of guiding her through her tough times, of offering support, just as the captain did so many times in the past. She gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "Eilis, you weren't in control. You don't have to blame yourself." She freed one of her hands and placed it on the other woman's shoulder. "Besides, you stopped yourself! That's what matters. And hey." She moved her hand to the other's cheek, when she noticed Eilis trying to drop her head again, and she gently guided it back up, locking their eyes together. "Try not to think about it. You've proven you're stronger than this affliction, so focus on that. Besides…" Her smile turned more playful. "I already forgot it even happened."

"Jidzi, I don't-" Eilis started again, remaining unconvinced. She was interrupted, however, by the other woman placing a finger on her lips.

"Ah, ah, ah." Jidzi stopped her. "No more gloom talk. I know just the thing that will pick you up. Just wait here!" She slid off the bed, quickly jogging over to the replicator. "Two cups of hot chocolate." She smiled as they materialized, picking them up and carefully making her way back into the bedroom.

Eilis let out a sigh of disbelief when she saw her friend return, but despite what happened, she felt a smile tugging at the corners of her mind. "You're unbelievable." Her voice was still cracking, and filled with emotions, but she couldn't deny the soothing effect her friend's presence and support was having.

"I learned from the best." She winked, passing one of the cups to Eilis before settling on the bed next to her. They both took a careful sip, followed by a long sound of appreciation.

"Delicious." Jidzi said, licking her lips. "Seems we're bringing back all the Academy habits recently."

Eilis's mood dropped again at the remark, and she lowered her head, focussing her eyes on the swirling drink she held in front of her. "I don't recall trying to kill you in the academy." She said quietly, her voice cracking again.

"What about the time you gave me that dish from your planet to try?" Jidzi kept up her smile, undeterred. "What was it called? It was Z- something…" She snapped her fingers a few times trying to recall the name. "And had a fish in the name." She narrowed her eyes, tapping the side of her cheek with a finger.

"The Zhab Eels." Eilis responded, lifting her head back up, a shade of a smile forming at her lips.

"Right! That was awful!" Jidzi exaggerated a shudder at the recollection of the taste.

"Come on. They aren't that bad." Eilis couldn't suppress the small chuckle that left her mouth, her mind focused on that memory.

"Not that bad?!" Jidzi let out a mock, exasperated breath. "I don't think I've ever eaten anything as awful."

"You know they are actually considered quite a delicacy on Zan." Eilis's smile was slowly becoming more and more visible.

"So you've told me, and like I said before, I have a hard time believing that." Jidzi's smile widened, as she noticed the improvement in her friend's mood. "Is it like with _gagh_ , that they don't actually like the taste, but eat it for some other reason?"

"No, we do actually like the taste." Eilis chuckled at Jidzi's horrified gasp. "I actually find _gagh_ quite pleasing as well."

"I know. And that's extremely weird." Jidzi pointed at her with the cup of hot chocolate, before looking at it for a while, and then bringing it to her lips. She took a sip and let out a satisfied hum. "Now this is delicious. We should have asked Anais for more treats like that."

Eilis also took a sip of the drink before responding. She was now much more relaxed, focusing on the happier times of Academy days. "Indeed. Although I doubt we could get hold of her now."

"Right. Probably out in the 29th century. Or the 10th." Jidzi chuckled. "Wasn't it weird when we found out she was actually from the 22nd century?" She asked excitedly.

"It explained the smirk she wore on every Temporal Mechanics lecture." Eilis smiled. Seeing Jidzi this excited almost made her forget her problems.

"And the fact that some courses she seemed to have really good grasps on, and others she made rookie mistakes. Like someone who learned all this before but differently." She paused for a second. "The clues were there all along!" She laughed.

Her melodic laughter caused Eilis to chuckle as well. "I think it was a bit too peculiar to put together."

"I suppose that's true." Jidzi responded, before taking another sip of the hot chocolate. She stared off at the wall for a few moments before letting out an unamused grunt. "Time travel really makes my head hurt. Do you think Anais could explain it to me?"

Eilis laughed. "I doubt she'd actually find the _time_."

Jidzi paused, before glaring at the woman incredulously. "You did not just say that."

"I'm not apologizing." Eilis tried to keep her voice serious, but failed swiftly, breaking into a laugh. Jidzi joined in shortly after.

They stopped laughing a while later, smiles lingering on their faces as they finished their drinks. Jidzi took Eilis's cup, and slipped off the bed again, quickly moving to place them back in the replicator. By the time she got back in the room, she found Eilis staring at the far wall, a smile still present on her lips. When she moved further in, the captain looked at her.

"I've missed this, you know." She said quietly, looking up at Jidzi as she slowly walked towards the bed.

"Me too." The Trill responded, sitting back down. "A lot has been happening, and I suppose there just wasn't much time to relax." She offered her friend a warm smile. "How about we do it more often from now on? Just like the Academy days."

"I'd like that." Eilis responded, before her smile started to fade again. "I didn't realize how much I missed just being with friends. Being an admiral really has a lot of drawbacks." She sighed. "Maybe I should retire."

Jidzi scooted a bit closer, and grabbed her hand. "If anyone deserves an early retirement, it's you. But I doubt you'd enjoy it. You love this job too much."

Eilis exhaled, a shade of a smile gracing her lips once again. "I think you're right. I'm too used to this."

"Of course I'm right." Jidzi responded, playfully. "There's a reason I'm your first officer."

Eilis studied her friend carefully for a few moments. "Can I ask you something?" She said a bit more seriously.

"Anything." Jidzi answered, keeping up a warm smile.

"Why have you stayed?" She asked bluntly, and Jidzi's smile faded a little.

"What do you mean?" She answered, casually, trying to make light of the question.

Eilis, however, didn't mean to let her off as easily as every other time she asked. "You know what I mean, Jidzi. You're the finest officer I had a pleasure of serving with. You would've made captain a thousand times over, especially since you have been in command before, probably even admiral at this point. You could have almost any ship in the fleet. And yet always you turn down the offer of promotion. And you're not the only one. Tala and Thelan should have been commanding their own ships as well. So, why stay?"

"Every time you ask me, I think on it more. And while I can't speak for the others, I imagine their reasons to be similar. I can't think of an assignment I'd rather have. You are an amazing captain, you've done extraordinary things over and over again. Deeds most others can only dream of. You've proven time and time again that you are more than capable of leading, and to me and many others, that you are more than worth following. You've made the best of the worst situations. I stayed because you're my friend. I stayed, because I don't think I will ever be able to lead as well as you do, and I feel every moment serving under you, makes me a better leader." She took a deep breath, and reached out, taking Eilis's hand in her own, and squeezing gently. "I stayed, because I want to give back to you, for all you've done. To support you if you need it. So that you have someone to rely on. Because I know that wherever you go, you'll do great things, and I want to witness them. And besides." She smiled gently. "Every Picard needs his Riker."

Eilis was taken aback, feeling a tear roll down her cheek as she looked into her friend's eyes. She closed her own after a moment, unable to hold her gaze, and lowered her head, trying to steady her breathing again. "Even Riker finally left the Enterprise. I feel like I'm holding you back."

"You're helping me grow every day. And it's me who turns down the promotions." She smiled reassuringly. "Plus, Riker left after what…" She tapped the side of her cheek with a finger. "15 years? By my calculations I still have a lot of time." She noticed the corners of Eilis's mouth curl up slightly. "Also, I'm not about to miss out on the _Relentless_ when the admiralty inevitably puts you behind the desk." She added a bit more cheerily.

Eilis exhaled through her nose in a sign of amusement, before lifting her head. "Over my dead body. I only accepted this promotion if I could stay in the field. I'd rather demote myself back to captain." A hint of humour was back in her voice, even though it was filled with emotions.

"See, that's what I'm talking about." Jidzi's smile widened, and she squeezed the captain's hand again.

Eilis paused for a moment, before freeing her hand and leaning forward, embracing her friend. Jidzi returned the hug, and both women held each other tightly.

"Thank you, Jidzi." Eilis's voice cracked once again. "I'm glad you're here. I don't think I could have made it this far without you."

Jidzi ran her slowly up and down her friend's back, as they rocked slightly sideways in their embrace. "Anytime, Eilis. Anytime."


	5. Distress

**Author's note:**

 **Here comes another chapter! Hopefully you will enjoy!**

 **Thank you to tremor3258 for another review! I'm glad you're still enjoying the work! When it comes to Eilis's condition, I'd say it's highly irregular and unpredictable, and the overwhelming emotions come in waves, while also constantly remaining at least somewhat out of control.**

 **And of course thank you to MaliceUnchained for his continued support! Also for one of his characters. That too :D**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 _Chief Tactical Officer's personal log, stardate 94629.57._

 _We have finished charting the nebula, and now the eggheads in the lab are having a field day running test after test. Not that there is much else to do. With the captain's peculiar condition, we are left stuck, awaiting salvation. I'm thinking of moving the ship out of the nebula. If you stay inside one for too long, they always turn weirdly eerie._

 _Then again, at least it is some protection, something we are in desperate need of, since we can't use warp drive. People can call me paranoid if they want, but we didn't survive the war by being careless. Thankfully, it has been quiet for now, but something in my gut is telling me, it's not going to stay that way._

* * *

Tala was sitting in the captain's chair, drumming her fingers impatiently on the armrest. The main viewscreen was filled with the shimmering, blue nebula, a sight that continued to make her feel more and more uneasy as time went on.

"Nervous?" A voice came from her right, and she turned to see Nelen's reptilian eyes staring back at her. The scientist moved slowly towards her, sitting down in the chair next to hers.

Tala heaved a heavy sigh. "I'm a warrior at heart, Nelen. And when I know there is a battle going on, and all I can do is idly watch it unfold… Makes me feel restless."

The Voth hummed in agreement. "Yes, I think we all share that feeling right now." He paused, a sigh escaping his lips. "But there is not much we can do. Only hope that the captains emerges victorious."

Tala turned her head back towards the viewscreen, staring off, far into the void. A few moments later she spoke. "There is another thing. I have this feeling that something bad is going to happen. Like a calm before the storm. Even though I hate feeling this useless, I hope it's nothing. We have enough problems as it is."

"Indeed." Nelen agreed, giving her a small smile. "I'm sure it's just-"

"Sir!" They got interrupted by lieutenant M'Nera, the Caitian communications officer, who looked up from their console. "We're receiving a general distress call."

"Shit." Tala cursed under her breath, before standing up and turning towards the lieutenant. "On screen."

The image on the viewscreen shifted from the nebula to a recording of an alien, with grey, scaly skin and glossy blue eyes. He spoke in an unknown language, but his agitation seemed clear. The video was tearing and cutting out in places. "The signal is very weak, we seem to be barely in range of their transmitters." The comm officer said, furiously tapping away at her console. "The computer recognised the species as the Agris, discovered not too long ago by the _USS Babylon_. Running translation algorithms now."

The video looped, and the alien spoke once again. _"This is Prefect Nhabahr from the Ag- colony on Qionus III. We have -cted Borg ships headed for our planet. We're evacu-g but we don't hav- -ips to get everyone off - time."_ The video kept cutting out, but the essence of the message was clear. _"Please to a- -ips in range. Help us save our peo-."_

"Should we respond, sir?" M'Nera asked, muting the video as it went into another loop.

"Not yet." Tala answered sternly. "Boost the message, and relay it further on Alliance frequencies. Perhaps our other ships can offer assistance. How far away is this colony?"

"About 35 light years, sir." The Caitian responded, after pressing a few buttons on her console.

"Alright. Nelen." Tala turned to the Voth scientist, who stood up from his chair. "Move the ship out of this nebula and ready it for slipstream." She grabbed a small PADD from the other chair, and shown it to the caitian. "M'Nera, get me information about the Agris. I'll need to consult with the captain."

"You do remember that subspace-" Nelen tried, before getting interrupted by the Andorian woman already moving towards the turbolift.

"I'm well aware. Now get it done." She managed to respond, before stepping into the lift. "Deck 8." She said, and disappeared behind the sliding doors.

* * *

Soon after Tala found herself in front of the door to the captain's quarters, the security detail posted there reporting no disturbances. She nodded at the report, and pressed a button next to the door, hearing a familiar chime play. A few moments later she repeated the action.

Before she could do it again, the door slid open, revealing Jidzi, trying to smooth out the creases on her uniform. She looked up at the Andorian officer, and her expression was serious, clearly realizing something was wrong. "What is it, Tala?"

"We have a situation." The tactical officer responded. "May I come in?"

Jidzi looked to the side, before stepping aside and inviting her in. The door closed behind her as she stepped into the room.

"What happened?" Jidzi got right to business, having noticed the urgency in her friend's voice.

"We have received a distress call from a nearby colony. They are a target of a Borg attack, and don't have enough ships to evacuate in time." Tala reported, speaking quickly.

Before Jidzi could respond, another voice caused both of them to turn. "What's the problem then?" Eilis said, coming out of the bedroom. She had put on her uniform, and if it weren't for her hair being much messier than usual, and the immensely tired expression she wore, she would have looked like nothing was wrong. "We need to respond."

"But sir…" Tala said hesitantly. "According to your brother, warp travel can-"

"I know." Eilis responded calmly. "But it's not guaranteed it will have any adverse effect on me. And…" She let out a sigh. "Even if it does, it's one life against who knows how many. I won't allow my own well-being to endanger a colony of people. So respond to the distress call."

Tala, who wanted to argue further, instead turned to Jidzi for guidance. "Sir?"

The Trill looked between her and the captain for a moment, tapping her cheek with a finger as she thought. Then enlightenment struck her. "There is no need in risking your life, Eilis, we'll do it differently. Tala, clear us a way to the main shuttlebay. We'll take the _Envoy_ out, and you can take the _Relentless_ to the colony."

Tala glanced over at Eilis, and noticing the captain opening her mouth to argue, she quickly reacted. "Aye, sir. I'll let you know when your way is clear." She turned around quickly, and stepped through the door, disappearing behind it.

"A clever plan." Eilis said with a small smile. "But if we're doing this, I'm boarding the _Envoy_ alone."

"As if." Jidzi responded, fixing up her uniform. "You're in no condition to pilot a ship. I'm coming with you." Noticing Eilis was about to protest again she playfully waggled her finger at the captain. "Don't even try to argue. You're not convincing me otherwise. Tala can handle a battle, so we're not needed here."

Eilis exhaled in a mixture of defeat and amusement, a small smile appearing on her lips. "Thank you, Jidzi."

"Don't mention it." The Trill returned the smile. "Now come on, let's see if there is anything we want to take with us."

* * *

A few minutes later, they arrived at the massive shuttlebay. Tala worked quickly to clear a way for them, just in case, and they have not met anyone on the way there. They walked across the bay quickly, passing two _Yellowstone_ -class runabouts, as well as an assortment of shuttle types, heading for the last ship in the bay. The _Envoy_ was a captain's yacht, a model usually fitted to _Sovereign_ -class ships. It was given to Eilis as a gift from the Admiralty, at the insistence of Jorel Quinn, so that she had a mode of transport that allowed her to travel in a way that suited her rank, since the _Relentless_ had her yacht removed during the refit, to make room for the spinal lance. The _Envoy_ took up much space in the shuttlebay, a fact that Eilis was never too pleased with, and therefore the ship saw much usage in the field. Equipped with the shields and weapon systems that outmatched the runabouts, and despite its larger size, being more maneuverable and faster, it was used on a few occasions for hit and run tactics, as well as general fire support for the cruiser. Since Eilis rarely left the ship, especially since during the conflicts it was much safer for the admiral to stay on it, the yacht saw to its intended use once, when the admiral had to attend an important briefing, and the _Relentless_ had to stay where it was, in case of enemy attack.

When they rounded the ship, they found the aft boarding ramp already lowered, and Terrance waiting there for them. The doctor nodded as they approached.

"Terrance, what are you doing here?" Jidzi asked, despite having a good idea for the reason.

"Since I knew you weren't going to ask, sir, I figured I come and check if you don't require me to tag along." The hologram responded, in a serious tone.

"I don't see a reason for that." Jidzi responded. "We appreciate the concern, but you will be much more needed here. The _Relentless_ is going into battle, and I am not about to take her Chief Medical Officer with us."

"Thank you for asking, Terrance." Eilis added, managing to keep her voice calm.

He nodded again. "I will go back to my duties then." And with that he disappeared.

Jidzi glanced over at Eilis, before moving into the ship.

They climbed up the boarding ramp and into a small airlock, leading into the master suite.

While from the exterior the _Envoy_ looked like a standard model, much like other ships of its class, the interior was custom fitted, tailored to the needs of the user. The main quarters were spacious, a corner couch with a small table in the corner opposite and to the right of the door. The left side of the room was split into three parts, the private en-suite, a small bedroom and a corridor between them. A replicator occupied the corner next to the airlock door.

Jidzi turned to Eilis as they stood in the middle of the room. "Alright, you get yourself comfortable, I'll take us out."

The captain nodded, and Jidzi moved further into the ship. She stepped through a bulkhead door, moving through a corridor flanked by a pair of two-bed crew quarters, a small sonic shower room and the head on the other side, through another bulkhead, and into the larger crew mess hall. She crossed the room quickly, into a smaller room, mostly occupied by a two person transporter pad. From there, she entered the spacious cockpit, quickly making her way across, and sitting down at the conn console. She run the standard pre-flight checks, before opening the channel to the bridge. "This is the _Envoy_. Requesting permission to depart."

Tala's voice came back through the comms. _"Permission granted, Envoy. The bay doors are open."_

"Alright, let's take her out nice and easy…" Jidzi murmured, as the ship lurched slowly off the ground. She carefully guided it through the shuttlebay, and out the massive door, peeling off to the side as soon as she left the inside, to avoid the cruiser's third nacelle. She reopened the channel to the bridge. " _Relentless_ , we are away. You are free to proceed to your destination. Be safe."

* * *

Back on the bridge of the _Relentless_ Tala sat down in the captain's chair. "You as well, _Envoy._ We'll be back before you know it." She closed the channel to the yacht with a button on her chair and turned to the human officer at the conn. "Mister Carter, lay in the course for the Agris colony and engage the slipstream drive when ready. Lieutenant M'Nera." She turned her head towards the Caitian. "Hail the colony."

"Aye sir." The officer turned back to her console, and a few moments later the viewscreen shifted to the same distraught expression of prefect Nhabahr as they've seen in his message.

Tala stood up from her chair and moved a few steps closer to the viewscreen. "This is commander Tala Sh'era from the Federation starship _Relentless_. We have received your distress call and are on our way to your colony." She spoke confidently, standing almost at attention.

" _Oh thank the stars!"_ The prefect exclaimed. " _You are the first ship to respond, and we were beginning to lose hope! The Borg are less than an eighth of a rotation away, and we are far, far from getting everyone out!"_

Tala looked at Nelen expectantly, and after a brief moment of studying the data on his PADD he looked up at her. "An hour, sir."

She nodded, turning back towards the viewscreen. "Continue your efforts, Prefect. We will arrive shortly, and will try to give you the time you need."

The prefect's eyes opened wide. " _You intend to fight the Borg?!_ " He exclaimed in surprise.

"We've done it before, and it's what this ship is best suited for in this situation. We'll send a few shuttles to assist with the evacuation, but should we fail to stop the Borg, you must order all your ships away from the system."

Nhabahr's expression turned grim at the implication. " _Then we shall pray that you do not fail, commander. Thank you for your help._ "

Tala nodded, and indicated to M'Nera to close the channel. She moved back to her seat, and pressed a button on its panel. "Bridge to Kovar."

" _Kovar here_." Came the Cardassian's response a moment later.

"When we arrive in system, I want all our auxiliary craft launched and assisting with the evacuation. Since the Agris don't have transporters, using ours will cut the time to ferry people from the planet significantly." She paused for a moment. "If the _Relentless_ is overcome, they are to take as many remaining refugees aboard, and escort the Agris ships away from the system, and then return to Federation space."

" _Aye, sir. Consider it done. Kovar out."_

* * *

A few minutes later the _Relentless_ dropped out of warp at the edge of the Qionus III system, outside its moon's orbit. From the ship's three shuttlebays a small fleet of shuttles emerged, led by a pair of _Yellowstone-_ class runabouts, and headed for the planet.

Tala watched the shuttles through the ship's main viewscreen, while she considered her strategy. Nelen's voice threw her out of her musings. "Sir, we have the Borg fleet on long range sensors." The Voth had moved to take his station at the science console.

"How many ships?" Tala asked, dreading the answer.

"Two cubes, three spheres and three probes." Nelen responded, his voice barely betraying how alarmed the information made him.

There was a brief silence on the bridge, as they all took in the challenge that lay ahead of them.

"Alright, this will be tough, but it's not impossible." Tala said confidently, standing up from the captain's chair. "We've been through worse in the past, and we know this ship can take it." She turned around towards the Breen officer, leaning over the tactical console behind the three chairs in the middle of the bridge. "Kyn, deploy security teams, we must be ready to repel boarders. Mister Carter." She turned towards the viewscreen again, and the conn officer looked back at her. "Move us towards the Borg warp-in point. We will make ourselves a tasty target. We must keep their ships outside of the transporter range of the planet." She moved back towards the captain's chair and sat down again. "Let's hope we can count on their need to assimilate advanced technology." She pressed a button on the chair's panel. "Red alert! All hands to battlestations." She close the channel and leaned back in her chair, as the lighting on the bridge dimmed slightly, now accompanied by blinking red lights. "Ready phasers and quantum torpedoes. Charge the spinal lance."

* * *

"Fifteen minutes!" Nelen reported, and Tala leaned back in her chair, her antennae twitching slightly, as she stared off into empty space in front of the ship. She cracked her knuckles, getting herself into the zone, tensing like a hunter ready to pounce on its prey.

Not a minute later, Nelen looked up from his console again. "Sir, I'm reading another ship on an intercept course, approaching at slipstream speeds."

"Can you identify it?" Tala twitched, tensing just a bit more as the turbolift doors open and Kovar walked onto the bridge.

"Its transponder reads as the _USS Defender, Guardian-class."_ The Voth scientist reported.

"Rear Admiral Tenahbi's ship." Tala said calmly. "Seems we are going to get some reinforcements."

"Tenahbi…" Kovar murmured. "I don't think she likes me very much."

Tala laughed. "I don't think she likes anyone much. But in battle, there are few captains as fearsome as her."

The Cardassian hummed in agreement. "Yes, thankfully she's on our side."

"The _Defender_ is hailing us, sir." M'Nera reported.

"On screen." Tala ordered, getting up from her chair.

The viewscreen shifted to show a slender, dark-furred Caitian, parts of the modern, spacious bridge of the _Defender_ visible behind her. Her left eye was covered with a plain, black eyepatch, while the other was narrowed, and focused on Tala. The admiral had a ferocious look about her, and her ever stern and fierce expression made even the Andorian warrior uncomfortable around her. But, admiral O'Neill respected the feline captain very much, and so did she. "Commander Sh'era." The Caitian officer said, her tone more pleasant than Tala was used to hearing from her, but still carrying that slight undertone of threat that always accompanied it. "How unexpected."

"I'm afraid Admiral O'Neill is indisposed." Tala answered calmly, keeping a confident smile on her face. "It's nice of you to drop by, sir."

"I'm sure." The caitian responded, smirking. "I see you're having some Borg trouble."

"Aye, sir. A cube and several support craft." Tala responded, keeping a straight face.

"'A' cube, commander?" Tenahbi asked, leaning back in her chair. "Perhaps a sensor calibration is in order."

"No sir." Tala's smile turned smug. "That one additional cube won't be a problem, since our spinal lance will make short work of it. While it recharges, it's the rest of the fleet we'll have to worry about."

The admiral grinned, showing rows of her sharp teeth. "Impressive, commander. How about we split the rest. My ship can take on the cube, while you deal with the support craft."

Tala nodded. "We'll try to keep them of your back, sir."

"Good, see to it that you do. We will arrive shortly. _Defender_ out." The screen turned back to the stars, and Tala relaxed visibly.

"See, she likes you more than me." Kovar commented, as Tala made her way back to the chair.

"Let's make sure she keeps liking us." She said, sitting down and looking out through the viewscreen.

* * *

The cube filled their view, as the Borg vessels entered the systems. Predictably a familiar message sounded, seemingly spoken by thousands of voices at once.

" _We are the Borg. Lower your shields and surrender your ships. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. If you do not comply, you will be destroyed. Resistance is futile."_

In response, both Starfleet vessels charged forward, towards their respective cubes.

The ship shook, as the _Relentless_ took several beam hits her shields.

"Shields holding." Kyn reported, his voice distorted through his Breen helmet. "Weak points locked on!"

"Fire!" Tala exclaimed.

* * *

Three powerful phaser blasts in quick succession escaped from the spinal lance underslung under the ship's saucer, each striking a different part of the cube, punching right through the shields and hull. The whole Borg vessel shuddered, before exploding in a massive ball of flaming plasma, emitting a shockwave that washed over the remaining combatants.

* * *

A conduit blew on the _Relentless_ bridge. "Shields at 87%." Kyn reported, holding onto his console to stay on his feet.

"Attack pattern theta four." Tala commanded, and the ship took a sharp turn. "Focus fire on the nearest sphere. Any free banks fire at will. Keep them focused on us."

* * *

The _Relentless_ weaved its way around the Borg vessels, its orange phaser beams impacting their shields. A sphere moved in front of her, only to be met with a salvo from phaser cannons mounted on top of her saucer, followed by a spread of five quantum torpedoes. The Borg didn't pull any punches however, and the her shields were lighting up with plasma beam and torpedo impacts.

The _Defender_ was not faring any better, the almost full force of a Borg cube bearing down upon her, but she was holding strong, returning fire from its phaser banks.

* * *

Tala barely held onto her chair, as her body was suddenly thrown forwards.

"We're caught in a tractor beam!" Nelen exclaimed, tapping away at his console.

"Focus fire on the emitter! Get us free!" Tala commanded, settling back into the chair. "Reroute all auxiliary power to shields."

* * *

The _Relentless_ fired a salvo of phaser beams, all focused on the point the green tractor beam enveloping the ship was coming from. A massive explosion set the ship free, and she turned, bringing her phaser cannons to bear, and unleashing a massive salvo of beams, bolts and torpedoes. The sphere shook, and the _Relentless_ peeled off to the side sharply, to avoid the warp-core explosion. Barely managing to avoid it, she received a salvo of plasma beams from the two remaining spheres, and a torpedo hit from the probe.

* * *

"Damage report!" Tala yelled out, picking herself from the floor.

"Phaser bank two is offline. Hull breaches on decks 3, 6 and 11. Shields at 40%. Engineering reports the slipstream drive is offline." Kovar reported. "Damage control teams are deployed."

"Enemy status?" Tala asked, looking through the viewscreen at a probe being hit by one of their beams and exploding.

"One of the spheres is heavily damaged. We've managed to strip the shields off all the probes. The cube's shields are down as well." Kyn informed her.

"What's the status of the _Defender_?" Tala asked, noticing the other Federation ship taking a hit from the cube's plasma beam.

"She's in better shape than we are sir. The _Guardians_ are designed to be sturdy." Kovar responded, gripping onto his console as another hit rocked the ship.

"Good. Continue our attack, focus on that sphere-" Before she could finish, a massive salvo of quantum torpedoes came seemingly out of nowhere, and punching into the borg ships, destroying the two remaining probes and further damaging one of the spheres. A few torpedoes hit the cube as well, although their effect was much diminished due to the sheer size of the vessel. "What the-" Was all Tala managed to say, before being interrupted by Kyn.

"Ship decloaking off starboard. _Kor-_ class Bird-of-Prey. It's the I.K.S. _wIH_!"

Tala couldn't hold back the laughter. " _wIH_? Well, then admiral Tenahbi must be really pleased!"

"What? Why?" Nelen asked, confused.

"You'll probably see!" Tala responded, still wearing a smile.

"Spinal lance is charged!" Kyn reported.

"Let's finish this then. Target the cube and fire!"

* * *

With the remaining cube in pieces, and thanks to the Klingon ship's withering heavy disruptor cannon fire, the rest of the battle was finished quickly. The three ships assembled into a loose formation and moved out of the debris field now littering the nearby space.

* * *

"Casualties?" Tala asked, slumping into the captain's chair.

"Twenty three dead. One hundred and thirty five wounded, fifteen critically." Kovar reported with a heavy voice.

"Sir, both the _wIH_ and the _Defender_ are hailing us." M'Nera reported, and Tala just noticed the slight plasma burn on her cheek, probably from one of the console's exploding.

"On screen."

On one part of the viewscreen, admiral Tenahbi appeared, and she was visibly annoyed. Her bridge was filled with a bit of smoke, and one of the consoles behind her was blown out, but she appeared unharmed. On the other side of the screen, dimly lit with mostly red light, was the Bird-of-Pray's bridge. In the center, looking almost like a king on a throne sat a Klingon warrior, with pronounced forehead ridges, clad in the Honor Guard armor. The warrior spoke in a deep voice. "Commander Sh'era." He nodded in acknowledgement of the Andorian, before turning his head and grinning. "And Admiral Re'vah Tenahbi. What a most pleasant surprise."

"Captain Kh'osh." Tenahbi snarled, and Tala noticed the slight twitch of her tail.

The Klingon was not discouraged by the threatening tone. If anything his grin only widened. "How about we celebrate this glorious victory? I have a barrel of Bloodwine from 2309 saved especially for such an occasion. The finest vintage!"

"I have better things to do, Captain, than drinking on duty. Commander." She turned towards Tala, and the Andorian stood at attention, expertly hiding the smile that threatened to show on her lips. "We will move to assist with the evacuation, and to make repairs."

"Understood, sir." Tala responded, calmly. "We will remain in system until the evacuation is concluded, in case the Borg return. In the meantime we will see to our own repairs as well."

"Good." The Caitian said, clearly avoiding even looking in Kh'osh's direction. "Keep me posted. _Defender_ out."

Her signal disappeared, leaving only the grinning Klingon to fill the viewscreen. "Ahh." He let out a satisfied sound. "Glorious battle, with a glorious woman! I'm telling you commander, your feline admiral is more fearsome than most Klingon women I've met! So graceful, yet so ferocious! Ahh! And what a challenge to tempt!" He somehow managed to grin even wider. "Truly it will be a most glorious victory when I finally conquer her heart!" He let out another satisfied sound. "I bet those claws will leave deep marks on my back…"

"Alright." Tala interrupted him, slightly taken aback. "I think I've heard enough."

The Klingon erupted with hearty laughter, clearly accompanied by some of his crew. "I forgot how flimsy you Federation types usually are when it comes to matters of the heart."

"Riight, because it's weird to want to leave the bedroom in one piece." Tala responded, with a smile.

Kh'osh laughed again. "Exactly!" It took a moment for him to settle down, still leaving him grinning. "Anyway, I see you have duties to attend to commander, so I won't keep you. I'll be in the area, so do let me know if the Borg come back. I would hate to miss a battle!"

"Of course, captain." Tala nodded respectfully. "You can count on it."

"Good! Hopefully we'll fight side by side again! _Qapla'_!"

The brief silence that followed after the Klingon disappeared from the viewscreen was broken by Nelen exhaling loudly. "It's a wonder admiral Tenahbi hasn't killed him yet."

Tala and a few other chuckled at the remark. "Maybe she secretly enjoys it?" The Andorian grinned. "Anyway, enough talk, we have work to do. We need to get this ship back in shape in case of another attack."


	6. Memory

**Author's note:**

 **A bit of a shorter chapter, and with a hell of a lot of fluff.**

 **As per usual, many thanks to MaliceUnchained for his continued support!**

 **I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Jidzi watched the _Relentless_ disappear, as it jumped to warp, and she sighed, leaning back in her chair, taking a brief moment to relax. She took the _Envoy_ back into the nebula, the soothing blue light radiating through the cockpit's windows. Jidzi rolled her shoulders, before leaning getting out of her seat, and moving to the science station. She set up periodic sensor sweeps of the area, and an audio warning from the computer, should they detect anything. Feeling satisfied with the precautions, she left the cockpit, and moved through the ship towards the main suite.

When she entered the room, she found the captain leaned back on the corner couch with her eyes closed. When Jidzi took a step closer, Eilis's eyes opened, and she turned her head towards the approaching woman, a small smile forming on her lips.

"I brought us back into the nebula. It should offer some protection, should we need it." Jidzi said, receiving an acknowledging nod from the captain, as she took a seat on the couch. Unsure what to say next, she leaned back as well, getting herself comfortable.

A moment of silence passed before Eilis let out an amused huff. "You know, Jidzi, fate has somewhat of a knack for irony."

The Trill looked at her quizzically. "What do you mean?"

"Since I first heard of the Federation, and Starfleet, I knew I wanted to join. Keepers of galactic peace. Diplomats and Explorers. Always ready to help. We Zan-Eth are pacifists by nature, and for a very good reason." She sighed. "I wanted to explore the universe, venture into the unknown, discover new forms of life."

"Boldly go where no one has gone before." Jidzi interjected, using the famous quote, earning herself a smile from the captain.

"Yes, exactly." Eilis let out another sigh, her smile fading. "But when we left the academy, all we saw was war. Conflict after conflict, fight after fight. We always went where we were needed." She paused for a few moments, looking down at the table in front of her. "And now that it's finally over, when we are finally out here on the frontier, doing what we should have been doing all this time… What I always wanted to do…" She tapped her temple lightly. "This has taken it away from me." She deflated visibly, sinking into the couch, her hands dropping to her sides.

Jidzi moved closer to her, taking her hand between her own. "It has not taken anything from you, Eilis. You will recover, and then there will still be plenty of the unknown left for us to explore." She smiled lightly, squeezing the captain's hand gently.

Eilis looked her in the eyes and returned the smile. "Yes… I suppose you're right. I am not about to give up my dream."

Jidzi's smile widened. "I didn't doubt that for a second."

They fell into a comfortable silence, both of them settling comfortably into the couch. After a few moments passed, Jidzi shot a curious glance towards the other woman, and then another after some time. Eilis smiled again, turning her head towards the woman. "You want to ask me something, don't you."

"It's just something you said. That your people are pacifists for a very good reason." Jidzi said curiosity coloring her tone.

Eilis nodded slowly. "I realize I've never really told you much about my people."

"Only bits and pieces. I suppose we just didn't have time. And I didn't want to inquire too much, since…" She paused, blushing slightly at the realization.

"Since we don't really share with outsiders." Eilis finished for her, before smiling at the woman. "But you are no outsider to me, Jidzi. So, as we have time, I can answer your questions."

Jidzi let out a sigh of relief. "Still, if you don't feel comfortable…"

Eilis chuckled. "I'll be fine. Besides, it will be an interesting experience." She smiled, adjusting her position to face the Trill better. "You asked why we're pacifists, but to explain it, I need to go a bit more into detail about my species." She watched as Jidzi leaned in, focusing all of her attention. "Outside of the… let's call them regular reasons for avoiding conflict, there is one that made us adopt such ways very quickly in our development. And that's the way we remember everyone."

Jidzi nodded. "I've noticed that. You have an eidetic memory when it comes to people, don't you?"

"Actually, that's not exactly true. Everyone we meet leaves a… sort of psychic imprint on our brain. Any information we acquire about that person, a name, how they look, what they like, gets entangled within the imprint, making it incredibly easy to recall. The more we are around that specific person, the more vivid the imprint becomes." Eilis spoke slowly, thinking her words over carefully, clearly unused to explaining this.

"So you would avoid conflicts, to avoid losing people." Jidzi said, taking a use of the slight pause.

Eilis smiled, but shook her head slightly. "Everyone is affected by a loss of a loved one, regardless of species. I suppose we just develop bonds quickly, meaning losing people we barely know affects us more. But that is only a part of the problem. As much as long time exposure enhances the imprint of someone, so does being around them when they are in a highly emotional state. On a brink of death, for example."

Jidzi leaned back into the couch, as the enormity of that statement dawned on her. Her eyes flew wide open. "But that would mean both friends and enemies… And you have… You've been…"

Eilis shrugged, exhaling. "I've learned how to deal with it. Somewhat, at least. It's a big part of why I overused my control so much. And why William prefers the administrative job. It is also why pretty much all of possibly dangerous tasks are automated on Zan. And, of course, why so few of us ever leave the homeworld. We usually do what we can to avoid having to experience that."

There were a few long moments of silence, as Jidzi pondered the information she received. "Do you regret joining Starfleet?"

Eilis shook her head in response. "No. Even though it hadn't turned out to be what I hoped for, I still believe it has been worth it. We brought the peace back, and the sacrifices we made served to save countless lives from annihilation. Not to mention…" She smiled, looking up at the woman. "I met you. And Tala, and Thelan. And all of the other amazing people. I wouldn't trade that for anything."

Jidzi returned the smile. "And we are all lucky you chose to join. I'm not sure where I'd be if I hadn't met you, but I'm certain it would have been much, much worse. Maybe we'd all be dead."

Eilis shook her head, her smile widening slightly. "I think you overestimate my importance."

"If anything, you are the one that continually underestimates it." Jidzi responded, firmly. Noticing Eilis opening her mouth to argue, she pointed a finger accusingly at her. "We're not having this discussion again, Eilis. You played a pivotal role in every one of those conflict we went through, and your 'there were other captains' and 'I was just doing my job', 'just in the right place at the right time', not to mention the typical 'it was the whole crew's doing', arguments do not diminish it in the slightest." Whenever she quoted Eilis, she put on a mimicking voice, which rewarded her with the captain unable to hide her amusement.

Eilis raised her hands in surrender. "Alright, I give up. No way I'd win against such a strong case." Having received a triumphant nod from the other woman, she chuckled. "Let's go back to the questions, shall we? I'm sure you have more."

Jidzi leaned back, tapping the side of her cheek with a finger. She hummed in thought, before looking up at the captain a moment later. "You said that everyone you met left a psychic imprint on your brain. Is there a way to share it? You know, like a Vulcan mind-meld or something?"

Eilis nodded slowly. "When it comes to other Zan-Ethi, we are… somehow linked to one another. To this day this bond is still unexplained, mostly to the the nature of our physiology. Whenever we meet, we subconsciously exchange imprints of the same people we both met, to form a more… accurate picture of them. This can help to form friendships, or warn against enemies. It also gives us another perspective on people. The intensity of the bond depends on how well we get along, and how much time we spend with each other."

"That's fascinating." Jidzi commented, focusing all her attention on listening intently. "What about with other species?"

Eilis once again, nodded running her hand through her hair. "There is a certain… 'ritual' that can be performed, to pass on the image, or emotions of the imprint. It's quite draining, and only works with the more vivid imprints. It combines the knowledge the person the ritual is performed on, and the imprinted feelings of the one performing it, recreating a realistic scene of the imprinted person. It was originally intended to use between the Zan-Eth, ones that didn't know each other too well, and wanted to pass the imprint without it being… 'corrupted' by the weak bond. But it works on other species too, only requires much more effort on our parts. I've actually done it a few times in the past."

"You have?" Jidzi asked, her eyes widening in surprise. "With whom?"

Eilis shook her head. "Sorry, Jidzi, but that's between me and them. They were people I liked, or respected, or simply those that I thought deserved or needed it. Unfortunately, I think all of those instances had to do with a death of a loved one, or a treasured friend. Some people find comfort, in being able to be there for their loved ones in their last moments. And in Starfleet that can be difficult. The images and emotions of such moments are vivid in my mind and passing them to others, makes them real in theirs." There was sadness in her voice, a recollection of sorrow she, or those around her felt in such situations.

Jidzi scooted closer to the other woman, placing her hand gently on Eilis's shoulder. "I'm sure all the people you did this for appreciate it. But what does it feel like to you?"

"That depends." Eilis answered with a sigh. "If the one I performed the ritual on had a very strong emotional connection to the imprinted person, and knew them very well, we both experience the scene from their perspective. As if they were there in those moments, not me. Everyone described the feeling to me as very real, and the reaction of the imprinted, as natural. As how they would have reacted. If the connection is not that strong then… I just relive the scene."

"That… can't be pleasant." Jidzi remarked sadly, giving the shoulder she was holding a gentle, reassuring squeeze.

"No, it really isn't. The first case has its pluses. It gives me a unique perspective on the events, one that I would never be able to have otherwise. But it also usually makes the memory more painful, more emotional." She let out a long sigh, as one such memory sprung to her mind, tears starting to sting in her eyes, before she managed to dismiss it. "Still, I didn't do it for myself, and I would do them over again."

Jidzi felt the sadness emanating from the captain, and she leaned in, pulling the other woman into an embrace. "Sorry, I shouldn't have asked. I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel, having all those images stuck in your mind. But if you ever need or want to talk about it, know that I'm always there for you."

Eilis returned the hug, letting her head rest on the Trill woman's shoulder. "You have always been there Jidzi…" Her voice hitched, as the emotions she tried to keep in check started to spill over. "Maybe… maybe all of this could have been avoided if I was more open with you. If I talked to you more." Tears began streaming down her cheeks.

In response, Jidzi tightened her embrace reassuringly, adjusting their position to be more comfortable. "Shhh." She whispered gently, running her hand slowly up and down Eilis's back. Eilis reacted, by withdrawing her head slightly, before burying it in Jidzi's neck, her whole body spasming from sobs. "Come on, let it all out. I'm sure it will help."

They rocked slowly side to side, Jidzi feeling a wet spot on her shoulder growing larger, and Eilis struggling to say anything in between sobs. But the Trill woman patiently held her, whispering words of reassurance, determined to offer whatever support she could.


	7. Realisation

**Author's note:**

 **Here is another chapter! Hopefully you will enjoy!**

 **As per usual, thank you very much to my friend MaliceUnchained for reviewing, and generally supporting this whole process of writing!**

* * *

"Two glasses of water, cool." Jidzi watched the drinks materialize in the replicator, before she grabbed them, moving back towards the couch. Eilis was watching her, her eyes still reddened and swollen from the crying. She offered the captain a smile, before setting one of the glasses on the table in front of the woman, and sitting down next to her.

"Thank you, Jidzi." Eilis said, returning the smile. She picked up the glass and brought it to her lips, taking a few sips. The coolness of the water was a refreshing sensation, and she let out a satisfied sigh as she finished drinking, setting the glass back on the table. "I really needed that."

"I can imagine." Jidzi's smile widened and turned slightly mischievous. "You did leave quite a lot of water on my shoulder." She grinned as she tapped the wet spot on her uniform.

Eilis huffed in amusement, unable to stop her smile from growing wider. "Sorry about that."

"Don't be." Jidzi chuckled, leaning back in her seat. "I hope it helped."

Eilis nodded. "It did. I suppose all of those emotions I kept bottled up through the years need a way out." Her smile faded slightly.

"We can go over the science of it later." Jidzi said, placing her hand on the captain's. "For now just do whatever feels right."

Eilis looked up at her, and they locked eyes. A few moments later she broke the connection, looking down at the floor, the space between them. "I'm sorry you have to be on the receiving end of this Jidzi. You shouldn't have to…" She paused, when she felt a touch on her cheek and chin, as Jidzi gently guided her head back up to look at her.

"Hey…" She said gently. "That's what friends are for. Don't even try to think I'd rather be anywhere else right now, when you need me." A small, soft smile formed on her lips, as she moved her hand slightly, using her thumb to soak up a tear that once again started running down Eilis's cheek. It pained her to see her friend in such a vulnerable state, so emotionally unstable, but she pushed those thoughts down, focusing on the need she felt to help her. "You have spent your entire career making sacrifices for others. Fighting for them. Caring for them. So don't ever doubt you deserve the same." Eilis's chin shook, as she tried to open her mouth and speak, but Jidzi stopped her by gently placing her thumb on the captain's lips. "Shh. I know you will try to object, and I don't want to hear it. You are a remarkable person, Eilis. Maybe you'd be able to face this problem on your own. But I'm not about to let you. So how about you stop thinking about it, and stop feeling guilty about receiving my help. I'm here for you, just like I've always been, and how you've always been there for me. So let's just focus on getting you better. Talk about how you feel." She run her thumb across the captain's cheek again collecting a few more tears. "And don't hold back, I can take it." She smiled. "Even if you admit you really hated my cooking all this time, alright?"

Her last sentence brought a small smile to Eilis's face. "Alright." She said quietly, not trusting her voice not to break with emotions again. Instead, she adjusted her position and leaned forward, giving the Trill woman a hug, that seemed almost desperate. But it was a gesture that Jidzi gladly returned, and once again they just enjoyed each other's company, in the quiet room.

* * *

" _Incoming transmission from the U.S.S. Relentless."_ The computer's female voice broke the silence, almost startling the women with its suddenness.

Eilis reluctantly let go of Jidzi, having almost fallen asleep in her arms from psychological exhaustion, enjoying the warmth and closeness of the other woman more than she cared to admit. Jidzi gave her an almost apologetic smile, as she started to get up. "You look tired." She said, her voice filled with care. "How about you go get some rest, and I'll take it in the cockpit?"

"Thank you." Eilis responded, rubbing her eyes with her fingers.

Jidzi smiled. "I'm sure Admiral Quinn would be happy you'll finally make proper use of this ship." She paused at the door. "Let me know if you need anything, alright?" After receiving a confirming nod from the captain, she quickly made her way through the ship into the forward section. Sitting down at the comm console, she tapped a few buttons, and the small monitor in front of her lit up, showing Tala in the ship's ready room. Jidzi smiled. "Tala, it's good to see you're in one piece."

" _Likewise._ " The Andorian nodded with a smile.

"What's your status." Jidzi asked, leaning back in her chair.

" _We've managed to defeat the Borg fleet that threatened the system, and have not detected any more ships for now. It was tough going but we had help_." Tala reported.

"Oh?" Jidzi responded, curiosity filling her voice. "Anyone interesting?"

Tala's smile widened. " _Admiral Tenahbi and Captain Kh'osh_."

"Kh'osh?" Jidzi couldn't help but chuckle. "Is that old fool still trying to get Tenahbi into his bed?"

" _Oh yes_." Tala confirmed. " _Even offered her some of his finest bloodwine_."

"I'm sure the admiral was ecstatic." Jidzi grinned, amused by the situation.

" _I don't think I've ever heard her change a subject so quickly. And you know how she is_." The Andorian commented, her smile still wide on her lips.

"All too well." Jidzi agreed. A few moments later she turned more serious, getting back to the matter at hand. "What about the colony?"

" _The evacuation is still ongoing. More of their transports will arrive soon. Hopefully they will be out of here before the Borg decide to try again_." Tala reported, picking up a PADD and looking through its contents.

"Casualties and damage?" Jidzi asked carefully, dreading the answer.

" _Twenty-three dead, sir. The wounded are being treated as we speak._ " Tala answered calmly, the difficulty of loss covered over by years of practice and war.

Jidzi felt her shoulders slump. "Twenty-three." She mouthed, shaking her head lightly. More brave souls that perished in the seemingly never ending conflict, that chased them even out here, on their mission of exploration. She sighed, looking back up at the monitor. "Send me the report. What about the ship?"

" _Three hull breaches, and several more microfractures. One of our phaser banks got knocked offline. The slipstream drive also took a pretty big hit, and Thelan is unsure how long it will get to fix._ " Tala sighed. " _It's a complex piece of tech, and we're focusing on getting our defensive and offensive capabilities restored, just in case._ "

Jidzi nodded in understanding. "As you should. Keep me posted. And don't worry about the drive, the _Envoy_ is more than capable of accommodating us for a bit longer."

The Andorian seemed unconvinced. " _You are in the middle of unknown territory, in a ship that is not meant for deep space operations._ "

"We'll be fine, Tala." Jidzi responded, reassuringly. "We haven't detected any ship nearby, and we are concealed by a nebula. Besides, if anyone would attack us, I'll let you know. I'm sure we can convince captain Kh'osh to come to our aid. He isn't one to back away from a potentially glorious battle."

" _I suppose so._ " Tala nodded with a smirk. " _Alright, I need to get back to work. Do let me know if you need any assistance. Keep the captain safe._ "

"I will." Jidzi responded with a reassuring smile, and the call was cut. She exhaled, leaning back in her chair, feeling her shoulders slump. "Twenty-three." She repeated. She wondered who was lost, a report that she was not looking forward to reading. She run a hand through her hair, slowly getting up from the chair, and moving towards the front of the cockpit, looking through the window into the shimmering, blue nebula. The lazy currents, moving its gasses around, forming gently shifting patterns were a stark contrast to Jidzi's thoughts. The situation she found herself in, now had a higher chance of turning grim. The prolonged stay away from the ship, in the middle of mostly uncharted territory could become dangerous very quickly. And if the captain lost control like before…

She shook her head, banishing the dark thoughts from her mind. She had taken the precautions she could, and would deal with the situations as they arose, as a Starfleet officer, and a friend to Eilis. She sighed, crossing her arms in front of her chest, as she stared out the window, focusing on the good sides of her predicament.

Not that she could think of many, besides the fact she would get to spend more time with Eilis, as friends. Throughout the years they managed to keep a close relationship, but perhaps not as close as Jidzi would have liked. There was still a lot she didn't know about her friend, and although their last few conversations had been enlightening, she felt guilty, that she didn't push for this information sooner. That perhaps if she had, they wouldn't have been in this situation now.

Once again she shook her head, exhaling a long sigh, banishing those thoughts from her mind. There was no reason to think that, it didn't help in the slightest. She instead focused her thoughts on finding a way to get the captain through this situation. Her mind started to analyze the previous days, moving through them bit by bit, trying to formulate a strategy.

She concluded that what worked best was keeping Eilis occupied, keeping her talking and her mind focused. That way, the pent up emotions had an outlet, pouring out of the woman in a somewhat controlled, constant stream, instead of volatile, dangerous outbursts.

She was consumed by her thoughts, barely registering the sound of the cockpit doors opening, the first footsteps inside finally snapping her attention. She turned to see Eilis there, looking somehow even more tired, and thoroughly disheveled. Her uniform jacket was missing, leaving only the red undershirt, tightly hugging her form. Jidzi immediately stepped forward, just in case, as the captain looked like she was about to fall over from exhaustion. "Eilis, you should be resting." The Trill spoke, her voice soft and filled with concern.

"I can't sleep." The captain retorted, her voice hushed and laced with tiredness, as she continued to waddle forward.

Jidzi took her arm gently, twisting her around and starting to guide her towards the back of the ship. Eilis didn't offer any resistance, presumably too tired to fully comprehend what was going on around her. "Have you even tried?" Jidzi said with a soft smile. "You look like you could fall asleep while standing."

"No." Eilis said, shaking her head vehemently. "I couldn't. I can't."

"Come on, let's get you to the bedroom and we'll see." As she lead the captain down the corridor, they paused at the bulkhead, Jidzi trying to gently guide them through the doorstep they had to step over, before Eilis suddenly dug her heels into the floor, refusing to go any further.

"No." The captain repeated, suddenly seeming more awake. "I'll stay awake until the _Relentless_ comes back. Last time I slept I…" Her voice got stuck in her throat, as memories of having her fingers around Jidzi's neck came flooding back. She took a step back, almost tripping, but managing to keep herself upright with Jidzi's help, and by leaning on the wall. "I can't risk losing control again." She shook her head vigorously, both accentuating her point, and desperately trying to stay awake.

She felt a delicate touch on her cheek, as Jidzi gently cupped her face, and slowly guided her to look at the woman. The Trill smiled softly, her other hand grasping and squeezing Eilis's palm reassuringly. "Eilis, the _Relentless_ was damaged, and they may not be here for a while." The captain felt her heart drop, tendrils of fear starting to crawl their way deeper through her mind. She tried to look away, and back off, but Jidzi's gentle touch kept her rooted in place. The woman repeated the gesture of turning Eilis's face towards her, and run her thumb affectionately over the captain's cheek. "But it will be fine. I know you can stay in control."

"What if I can't?" Eilis responded quietly, her voice weak. "What if…"

"Shhh." Jidzi hushed her, pulling her into an embrace. "You can. And nothing bad will happen. We will make it through this, together." She pulled away after a moment, a wide, reassuring smile on her face, as she looked the captain right in the eyes. "Now, you need to rest. So let's get you to bed, okay?"

"Okay." Eilis responded, barely a tone above a whisper. She let herself be led by Jidzi deeper into the ship, the words of comfort the Trill woman was saying, barely registering, and yet still having a deeply soothing effect on her.

And so another kind of emotions started to bubble towards the surface. Feelings of attraction and care that transcended friendship, always there, but never acknowledged. Those that almost broke free during their Academy days, but then were pushed down again through conflicts. In time of war that kind of bond threatened with even deeper pain, although whenever Eilis's mind went back to those, way too numerous, moments, when either of them were badly wounded, she was left with the lingering feeling that it would have been the unsaid that would haunt her. But there was never the time, never the place, to nurture those feelings into something more substantial. Now that peace was dawning over the galaxy, Eilis had ample time to look over her feelings. Too much time, and too many feelings, as it turned out.

And yet, amongst the turmoil that was going on in her head, there was a peaceful, calm oasis. It surrounded the person now walking next to her, guiding her gently, whispering soothing words, that helped calm the storm. The seemingly only supporting pillar, that stopped Eilis's mind from falling into the abyss below.

"...kay, Eilis?" The sound of her name, combined with the flow of calming words coming to a stop, being replaced by ones filled with concern, snapped the captain out of her trance. She blinked, trying to get her mind back into gear, back in the present.

"What?" She asked, clearly disoriented. Looking around, she noticed that they arrived in the main cabin, and were now standing in front of her bedroom's door.

"I asked if you were okay, you seemed very out of it." Jidzi said, her voice filled with genuine concern, and Eilis felt a pleasant tinge as the Trill's hand found its way to her shoulder, in a supportive gesture.

"Ah, yes." She gave the woman a small smile. "I was just thinking."

Jidzi returned the smile, and gave the captain's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Try to focus those thoughts on sleeping, hmm?"

Eilis couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. "I'll do my best."

They entered the bedroom, and Jidzi waited, as Eilis lazily got herself under the covers. "Alright, I'm going to head to the crew quarters. Wake me if you need anything, okay?" She said in a calm, caring tone.

"Okay." Eilis replied quietly, already starting to drift off to sleep, her mind now focused on the more pleasant thoughts.

Jidzi smiled at the reaction, retreating from the bedroom. She paused at the door, looking back at the still form of the captain. "Sweet dreams, Eilis." She said quietly. "Computer, lights."

As the door closed behind her, and the room was plunged into darkness, Eilis was already on the brink of consciousness. And for some reason, the last image that flashed before her mind as she drifted off to sleep, was one of Jidzi she saw earlier, the woman staring out of the cockpit windows, the shimmering light of the nebula making her beauty shine like the brightest of stars. A smile crept onto Eilis's face, as she let herself fall into the realm of dreams, that looked to be surprisingly pleasant.


	8. Confession

**Author's note:**

 **Another chapter rolls around! And one that was very fun to write!**

 **Thank you to sharpe26 for your review! I'm glad you've enjoyed the story, and hope you continue to!  
Thank you to tremor3258 for your review. That is kinda what I was going for up to now. I'm glad I managed to pass that on well!  
And of course thank you to MaliceUnchained, my good friend, for the continued support! Check out his stories if you haven't already, they are excellent!**

 **I hope you'll enjoy!**

* * *

Jidzi rolled off her berth lazily, and stretched. She grabbed the fresh uniform she replicated before going to bed, and left the small room, heading to the sonic shower next door. Leaving her clothes on a small bench inside, she set the shower's pitch higher than usual, to help herself fully wake up. She cursed her decision immediately after the sound waves hit her, sending shivers down her body. She cleaned herself quickly, not wanting the 'cold shower' experience to last too long.

She fixed her undershirt's collar, and pinned the combadge to the uniform over her breast, just before entering the main suite of the ship. Much to her surprise, she found Eilis there, already awake.

"Good morning, Jidzi." The captain said, with a wide smile, before resuming performing the _Mok'bara_ , the Klingon martial art and meditation technique. She was moving through the routine with practiced ease, the flowing movements not ceasing for a moment.

Jidzi recovered from her surprise after a moment, and returned the smile as she walked deeper into the room. "It has been some time since I've seen you do that."

"It helps clear my head." Her voice was joyous, a clear contrast to the recent days.

"Have you eaten?" Jidzi asked, pointing at the replicator.

"Not yet." The captain responded, glancing at her.

Jidzi sighed, and shook her head, although her smile did not wane even a bit. "Two servings of pancakes, with maple syrup and strawberries." She grabbed the plates, carrying them over to the table, before moving back to the replicator. "Two cup of Gavaline Tea, hot." She took the cups after they materialized, and turned. "Come on, let's eat." She smiled at Eilis, before moving to the table.

The captain paused in her movements, before cheerfully striding over to the couch, and taking her place. She inhaled audibly, and made satisfied noise. "You spoil me, Jidzi." She looked at the officer, before focusing back on her meal, rubbing her hands, before grabbing the cutlery. "I am starving."

Jidzi watched with an amused smile, as the captain dug in, and almost seemed to melt at the taste of the first bite. She chuckled. "You should have woke me. Or just eaten." Her heart rose at the joy she saw in Eilis, and she felt her mood get much better as well.

The captain shook her head, chewing through the bite of food she had just taken. "And lose out on your company over breakfast? No way." She smiled, and Jidzi felt herself blush at the comment, although she wasn't sure why. Eilis said on many occasions before that she enjoyed her company, but this time felt somehow different. "Besides," the captain continued, oblivious to her reaction, "it gave me time to dust off the _Mok'bara_. It helped to put my thoughts in… somewhat of an order. And the time Ambassador Worf put into teaching me, got just that bit more worth it."

"It clearly worked." Jidzi nodded, having swallowed a piece of the pancake. "You're in a really good mood. I like seeing you that way." She blushed slightly, not sure what prompted her to add the last part.

"Already got tired of the miserable me?" Eilis asked, and immediately erupted in laughter at her friend's terrified reaction. "Relax, I'm joking. I know you haven't meant it that way. But, this is much more enjoyable, isn't it?" She flashed a grin at Jidzi. "And all thanks to the very pleasant dream I had." She said, before shutting her mouth quickly, and looking down at her plate, and then cutting off another bite, and eating it quickly. Jidzi, having recovered from her fumble, noticed the slight reddening of Eilis's cheeks.

"Oh?" Jidzi asked curiously, holding a piece of the pancake in front of her mouth. "What was it about?" She ate the piece, chewing slowly, and watching the captain with a smug smile.

Eilis glanced up her, and immediately after noticing her expression, looked back down, her cheeks growing even more red. "Nothing." She muttered, before stuffing another piece of a pancake into her mouth.

"Nothing?" Jidzi asked, in mock disbelief. "I didn't think you could get so worked up over nothing." She couldn't suppress the laughter, as Eilis somehow turned even a darker shade of red.

"Oh hush." Eilis said in a pretend offended tone, that didn't carry its effect at all, due to her lips tugging upwards harder than she could resist. Still, she tried her best, and glared at the woman.

Jidzi contained her laughter, and or a brief moment met the glare with a serious face, only for both of them to start laughing a moment later. Jidzi enjoyed the moment immensely, it reminded her of their, relatively, carefree Academy days. And on top of that, now that she had experienced so much negative emotions coming from Eilis, she realized how much she liked to see her smile. How good it felt to be the one that caused that smile to appear.

When their laughter subsided, their eyes met, and for the moment, both of them held the stare, with a wide smile. And after the seconds seemed to drag on, they both simultaneously blushed, and looked down onto their plates.

A few silent moments passed, and they glanced up at each other at the same time, their eyes meeting briefly again, only to focus back down on what remained of their pancakes.

Eilis let out an amused huff, before putting her fork down, and leaning back on the couch. "This is like the Academy all over again."

Jidzi looked up at her, swallowing the piece of food in her mouth. "What do you mean?"

Eilis gestured between them. "This. What we are doing."

Jidzi set down her cutlery as well. "Eating together?" She smiled.

The captain let out a small chuckle. "No. Dancing around the subject."

The Trill blushed. "And what subject would that be?" She asked, carefully, and although she may not have fully realized it, she hoped for a specific answer.

"We're not cadets anymore, Jidzi. And these last few days were…" She sighed. "Enlightening. I think younger me made a very serious mistake, that I'd very much like to correct." She looked down at her hands, as she scratched one of her thumb's fingernails with the other.

Jidzi scooted over next to her, gently taking one of her hands in her own. "You had your reasons to use that control of yours…"

"That's not what I meant." Eilis said quietly, as she looked up at her, locking their eyes for a moment, before focusing on her hands again.

Jidzi smiled gently, running her thumb over Eilis's hand she was holding. "Then tell me what is."

Eilis exhaled, as she braced herself. "I realized, that amidst all the chaos of emotions in my mind, there has been one constant this whole time. One that I didn't see at the start, but I unknowingly drew my strength from. And your presence made it resurface, and now it helps so much with staying in control. Even more so, since I finally acknowledged it yesterday." She looked at the woman next to her, and gave her a small smile in return for the soft expression she found on her face. She took a deep breath. "It's… I…" Her breath hitched. "Oh Ilá, why is this so hard." She run her hand down her face. She felt a gentle, reassuring squeeze on her hand, and Jidzi smiled softly at her, reminding her that she was there, that she was listening, giving her time to say what she wanted to say. Eilis debated for a moment whether or not to go on, but ultimately, she took another deep breath, deciding to keep going. "That one constant, Jidzi," she looked up into the woman's eyes. "was what I feel for you." She turned away, not to look at her friend's surprised expression. "All these years I knew I could always count on you. Even in the most desperate times, you always stood by me. And I realized that it was that image of you in my mind, that stopped me from toppling into insanity. It was from you that I could always draw my strength, and that has not changed even now." She sighed. "I have enjoyed our friendship immensely, but at the back of my mind, there has always been a feeling that it could have been more if I had made the effort. If I nurtured the feelings of attraction, instead letting other things take priority. That was the mistake I mentioned, not pursuing a deeper relationship with you. At first I thought it was this condition talking, but after I looked back, at all the time we shared, I knew that it was there all along. And now that I realized what I really feel, what if it's too late? What if you don't feel the same way?" Her voice grew weaker, quieter. She closed her eyes and exhaled. "What if…" She paused, feeling a gentle touch on her cheek. She let it guide her head to turn, and before she could open her eyes, she felt Jidzi's lips on her own.

The kiss was soft, careful and gentle. And despite being taken by surprise, Eilis couldn't help but smile into it after the initial shock passed. She felt the emotion Jidzi poured into the kiss, and she found her feelings reciprocated.

Jidzi broke the kiss after a few seconds, yet kept her face close, smiling when Eilis opened her eyes and their gazes locked. "Anyone ever tell you, you talk too much?"

Eilis let out a small, amused huff and smiled, before her eyes ventured down to the Trill's lips, her own bottom lip quivering slightly. "Not like that."

"Good." Jidzi run her fingers down the bony spots on Eilis's face, before she leaned in again, the woman meeting her halfway this time.

That kiss was longer, more brave. Less reserved. Passionate. They both poured their feelings into it, causing it to drag on pleasantly. Jidzi's hand caressed Eillis's cheek gently, and the Zan-Eth woman returned the affectionate action, yellow fingers getting tangled in the long, brown hair.

When they parted, they were panting slightly, their faces flushed with red tint. They stared into each other's eyes, both of them seemingly unable to look away.

"That was very pleasant." Jidzi said, quietly, finally letting her eyes turn from Eilis's, but only to end up on her lips.

"It really was." Eilis responded, with a wide smile. A smile that suddenly shifted to look almost mischievous. Jidzi looked back up at her, noticing the change. "How about some more?" She whispered, leaning slightly closer, her eyes falling on the Trill's lips.

"Yes, please." She responded softly, before closing the distance again.

The third kiss was almost hungry. Desperate. As if they tried to make up for the lost time, the years that passed, because they have not done it back in the Academy. They allowed the more carnal desire to seep into it as well. The pent up lust, normally pushed to the back of their minds. The seconds turned into minutes, and the passion didn't wane.

They finally parted for breath, panting, as they stared into each other's eyes. A comfortable silence fell over them, as they processed and recovered from what happened. As they begun to calm, smiles started forming on their faces.

Eilis was the first to react, leaning in and placing a small, quick peck on Jidzi's lips, before pulling the woman into an embrace, nuzzling her chin into the Trill's shoulder. She let out a shaky sigh of relief, as Jidzi returned the hug. "Wow." She said quietly. "That went well."

Jidzi chuckled, running her hand up and down Eilis's back. "It did."

"Now I regret that I waited so long even more." Eilis sighed, pulling the woman closer.

"Well, now at least we will have time to spend on this relationship. Instead of bouncing between fronts." Jidzi smiled affectionately, pulling away slightly to place a small kiss on Eilis's forehead, before running her hand through the captain's hair. "The most important thing is, that it happened. At least one of us finally had the sense to say what had to be said." She nudged Eilis gently.

The woman smiled in response. "At least something good came out of my condition. It opened my eyes, so that I could see that what I really needed was right in front of me. I couldn't be happier." She leaned in and placed another gentle kiss on Jidzi's lips.

The Trill grinned. "Even if you could finally beat me at target practice?"

Eilis laughed softly. "That would be a close second, but yes."

"You must be really happy then. I'm glad." Jidzi responded and kissed Eilis again, before once again being pulled into a hug.

One that would last for a long time, as they sat in silence, simply enjoying each other's company.


	9. Right on Q

**Author's note:**

 **Here comes a new chapter!**

 **Thank you to MaliceUnchained for the ever continuing support!**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

"I wish we could just stay like this forever." Jidzi said, lifting her head up to look at the other woman. At some point, Eilis chose to change her position, to lie down on the couch, pulling the Trill with her. For the last, however long it was, as they both lost track of time, Jidzi had been lying on top of her, enjoying the captain's steady heartbeat, with her head over Eilis's chest.

The Zan-Eth woman also lifted her head slightly, looking back at her with a warm, content smile. "So do I." She said, moving one of her hands up from Jidzi's back, and running it through her hair.

The Trill's smile turned smug and just a bit mischievous, as she hoisted herself up and slowly moved forward, so their faces were on the level with each other. Her smirk turned wider, as she saw the captain's eyes flicker down to her lips, before returning up, the woman blushing at being caught. Jidzi leaned in a bit closer, her expression turning from triumphant to seductive. "How about we make the most of what time we have, then?" She said in a low tone, her own gaze moving downwards, enjoying the sight of Eilis biting her lower lip for a few moments before looking back up into her eyes.

"I'd-" Eilis had to pause and clear her throat, caught off guard by the sudden change in mood, her voice shaky and cracking with emotion. "I'd like that." She said, more surely, unable to keep her eyes from wandering over Jidzi's face, looming so closely over her.

Jidzi waited for a few moments longer, appreciating just how beautiful Eilis managed to look despite everything that happened recently, and how much finally admitting what they felt for each other seemed to help. Finally deciding that she kept, not only the woman, but herself as well, waiting, she leaned in, and their lips met once more.

Despite starting rather gently, the kiss soon turned passionate and fiery, and Jidzi stopped holding herself up, her hands moving instead to Eilis's face, getting tangled in the brown hair, their bodies crushing together. A fact they were both thoroughly enjoying.

Jidzi felt a slight tug on her chest, and a small, surprised gasp escaped her lips at the sound of her uniform's zipper being moved down. She broke the kiss for just a moment however, quickly resuming, untangling one of her hands and unzipping Eilis's uniform as well, and throwing the flaps apart, before fully focusing on the kiss again, her hand snaking her way up the side of Eilis's body and back to her face.

They broke the kiss only to take small breaths, both persistent in keeping it going, getting lost in the heat of the moment. Jidzi felt Eilis's touch on her neck, the hand slowly moving lower, the gentle caress of fingertips, suddenly changing to a sluggish drag of nails, as the kiss grew almost impossibly more passionate.

A sudden, distinct whooshing noise made them pause, and the following mocking, "My, my." in all too familiar voice made them break away from each other, Jidzi scrambling to her feet, off the other woman, and Eilis sitting up, looking at the surprise visitor.

A tall, and as Jidzi had been known to describe him, annoyingly handsome man, dressed in Starfleet's flag officer's uniform, much like Eilis's own, was sitting in what looked exactly like the captain's chair from the _Relentless_. He had his mouth slightly agape, and a hand on his cheek in a mock surprise gesture.

"Q!" Jidzi snarled, the usually irritating presence of the being only intensified by the circumstances. Being interrupted during a very pleasant situation, coupled with the slight embarrassment of being caught, made it difficult for Jidzi to keep her usual calm. "We're not interested in whatever…" She paused for a moment, searching for the appropriate word. "Mischief you came here with."

"Mischief?" Q gasped, his hand going over his chest in an offended gesture, as he stood up quickly. "You wound me, commander, I thought we were friends."

"Friends?! I'm not sure where you got that id-" A gentle touch on her shoulder made her pause, and she turned to see Eilis standing there, a calm expression and a gentle smile on her face.

"Hello Q." The captain said turning to the man. "What brings you here?"

" _Mon amiral_ , as a concerned friend, I visited to simply, check how you're faring." The being answered theatrically.

"Right." Jidzi huffed. "As if I'd believe you care enough to do that." She glared at the man. "Especially since you could just snap your fingers and make Eilis all better."

"Oh, but that would just defeat the point of the exercise, wouldn't it." Q pouted, and then disappeared, rematerializing right next to the Trill, his arm on her shoulders. "You Starfleet types always go on and on about overcoming your limits and such." He squeezed Jidzi's shoulders slightly, the woman taking deep breaths to hold on to any semblance of calm. Q leaned in his head towards her ear, glancing over at Eilis. "Besides, I wouldn't want to ruin your fun. You've clearly made good use of your captain's condition." He spoke in a hushed tone, but clearly loud enough for the admiral to hear him.

"How dare you?" Jidzi snapped, pushing him away from herself. Q reacted with a chuckle, teleporting away, and back into his chair.

"I'm simply putting it how I see it." The being shrugged, leaning back in his chair, clearly amused with the glare he was receiving. "I've caught you in a rather _compromising_ situation. While on duty, and while you're supposed to be taking care of your sick, sick friend." He talked in a mocking tone.

Jidzi felt her self-control holding on by the last strand. She was about to lash out at the man, when, once again, a gentle touch stopped her. This time however, Eilis's fingers slowly pried the Trill's clenched fist open, yellow fingers intertwining with hers.

"She is taking care of me, Q. I find it odd that you're trying to derail our newly formed relationship. The same one you tried to basically force us into some time ago." Eilis spoke calmly, giving Jidzi's hand a reassuring squeeze.

The man grinned, clearly proud of himself. "I was right, wasn't I? Of course I was."

Eilis shook her head slightly in disbelief. "If you were right then, does that mean you're wrong now?"

Q disappeared, reappearing behind them, an arm around each of them. He leaned slightly closer to Eilis. "I'm always right, you should know that by now." He pulled Jidzi closer, a wide grin still on his face. "I was just teasing our precious commander, a bit of friendly banter, that's all." His smile only widened at the Trill's exasperated sigh. He leaned back towards Eilis, lowering his tone and glancing conspiratorially at the other woman. "You need to be careful, _mon amiral_ , she's very temperamental."

Jidzi growled, her free hand clenching back into a fist, and only the feeling of Eilis's fingers stopping her from lashing out again.

Q raised his eyebrows at her, then turned back to Eilis and winked, teleporting to stand behind his chair. "I suppose I should be leaving now, I can tell when I'm not wanted." He said in a mock offended tone.

"Really?" Jidzi said sarcastically. "You're really good at pretending to be clueless then."

Q scoffed. "You can keep your sarcasm to yourself commander. It's something that's reserved only to my friends, and you're clearly not one of them anymore."

"Oh no." Jidzi said, in mock despair. "Whatever will I do now?"

Before the being had a chance to respond, Eilis took a step forward. "Thank you for your visit Q. I appreciate the concern."

The man looked at Jidzi, raised his eyebrows and gestured at the captain, indicating her as an example to follow. After receiving an eyeroll in response, he turned back to Eilis. "Well, I see you're doing fine, so I got what I came for. _Bon voyage, mon amiral_." He said cheerily before his smile disappeared and his tone turned more serious. "And I suppose you as well, commander." He snapped his fingers and after a whoosh and a flash, was gone, taking his chair with him.

Jidzi let out a long sigh, finally willing herself to relax, her shoulders dropping slightly.

"That went rather well." Eilis said, turning to her with a smile. She couldn't help but chuckle at the very exasperated expression on the officer's face.

"Well? I swear if he pulls something like that again, I'll-" She was interrupted by the familiar whoosh again, as the man rematerialized next to them.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" He exclaimed, highly amused at Jidzi's expression twisting in irritation. "You're about to have some very unpleasant, uninvited guests, so ease off on the mating. You wouldn't want to get caught with your literal pants down, would you?" He grinned, and disappeared again, hearing the Trill growl in annoyance and take a step towards him.

Jidzi grunted in irritation, before turning to Eilis. "I don't understand how you can even tolerate him."

The Zan-Eth smiled. "You do realize he teases you so much, just because you react this way, right?" She took a step forward, her hand cupping Jidzi's face, and she leant in, planting a gentle kiss on the Trill's lips.

Jidzi simply melted into the show of affection, all the anger dissipating very quickly. She smiled into the kiss, leaning forward when Eilis started to pull away, to make it last just that bit longer. She kept her smile wide when they broke apart, a light blush forming on her face. "If this is how you will cheer me up after his visits, then maybe I won't mind them as much."

"Just maybe?" The captain asked, with a smirk on her face. She chuckled, when Jidzi paused, and opened her mouth to protest. "Come on let's run some scans. Q did warn us about someone." She sauntered past the other woman, and stopped at the door. "Maybe, if it turns out to be nothing, we can finish what got so rudely interrupted hmm?" She said with a seductive smirk, winked and disappeared behind the doorframe.

Jidzi waited for a few moments, as the grin on her face widened and she followed the captain, with a spring in her step.

* * *

"There is still nothing on the sensors." Jidzi sighed, going over the data the instrumentation provided. They had checked both close and long range sensors, and every possible way of scanning for cloaked ships they could think off. And nothing, that could constitute as immediate danger came up. Only the occasional merchant vessel, skirting the range of their apparatus.

"Let's check again, just in case." Eilis said, leaning closer to the display.

"We've checked three times already. If anything these sensor sweeps will just serve to expose us." Jidzi said, but run the scan again, either way. "Maybe Q just… said it to make us waste time."

"I doubt that." Eilis shook her head, focusing on the new data that came pouring in. "Q likes his jokes, but I see no reason for him to joke about this. There is no 'lesson' for us to be learned from this." She scanned over the data for some more time, but finally sighed, and swiveled her hair towards the other woman. "Nothing again."

Jidzi turned to her, and offered her a small smile. "How about we set some alerts, and hope it-" She paused, as a warning beeping started coming out of her console. She turned towards it and frowned.

"What is it?" Eilis asked, getting from her chair and walking towards the woman.

"There are some unusual chroniton fluctuations… A temporal rift is opening, right outside the nebula!" Jidzi exclaimed, as the data became clearer, and the chronitons assembled into the characteristic, artificial shape. "A ship is coming through, the configuration indicates a Na'khul design. _Daemosh_ -class."

"Contact the _Relentless_. We will need their support. I'll move us deeper into the nebula." Eilis said, moving to the helm.

Jidzi pulled up communications and hailed the ship. A few moments later the display was filled with the view of the _Relentless_ 's bridge, Tala getting up from the captain's chair. "Tala, how soon can you be here?"

" _Three hours at maximum warp, but Thelan's team had finished the repair of the slipstream. They're just running the last diagnostics."_ The Andorian reported.

"Try to get here as soon as possible. We've got some Na'kuhl company." Jidzi said, glancing at the sensor reading to see the alien ship entering the nebula.

" _I'll let them know to hurry it up."_ Tala nodded.

"Do that. _Envoy_ out." The Trill said, cutting the connection. She pressed a few more buttons on her console, and then turned to the captain. "How about I'll pilot and you get on weapons?"

"Sounds good." Eilis said, freeing up her seat for Jidzi, and moving to the tactical console.

"I've tried to mask our signature, and disperse their sensor beams, it will hopefully buy us some time." The commander said, sitting down at the helm. "I'm not sure how it will hold up to their future tech, though."

"I've got some targeting scramblers going as well." Eilis responded, pouring over her console.

The _Envoy_ was fast and agile, but it had no hope of outrunning the pursuing ship. So not a few minutes passed when another alert sounded in the cockpit.

"They are about to enter weapons range." Jidzi said, banking the ship to the side, readying herself for evasive maneuvers. A green beam of chronoplasma could be seen out the main window, contrasting with the blue background of the nebula, as the enemy vessel missed its first shot. Jidzi started weaving complex patterns with the ship, hoping the erratic movements would further throw off their aim.

"Our weapons are having no effect." Eilis reported, having fired a salvo from the yacht's phaser arrays.

The _Envoy_ shuddered suddenly, as the green beam finally connected, the shields flaring up on impact. "Interesting." Eilis muttered, double checking the data.

"What?" Jidzi asked, turning to the woman.

"They had barely scratched our shields. They're firing low powered beams, possibly to calibrate their targeting computer." Eilis explained, looking up from her console.

"Maybe they want to capture us alive?" Jidzi asked, before the ship shuddered again, but even lighter than before. "We are hit by some sort of continuous low level nucleonic beam." She said, looking at the readouts and attempting to shake the lockon by performing a few sharp maneuvers, but with little effect, as the beam kept firmly affixed on the _Envoy_. "I don't get it. It doesn't have any effect on the sh-" She paused, hearing a pained grunt from Eilis, and turned to the woman.

The captain was gripping onto her console, her jaw clenched and her muscles shaking from the tension, drops of sweat running down the sides of her face. She looked as though she was struggling against a great pain, her stare distant, unfocused.

"Eilis?" Jidzi started, quickly turning the piloting to the computer, ordering it to perform a sequence of evasive actions. When she moved to stand up from her chair, an ear shattering scream came from the captain, as the woman gripped her head, her body bending backwards, and she threw herself to the floor. Jidzi bolted across the cockpit to grab a medical tricorder from the emergency kit, and skidded to a halt next to the writhing woman, as she alternated between screaming and clenching her jaw tightly. After running the medical scanner over the woman, Jidzi quickly remembered the futility of that action, as the brain scan came out blank, as she should have expected. She threw the device to the floor, and moved back towards the consoles, hoping to stop whatever was happening to the captain at the source: the nucleonic beam.

She tried to drown out the screams, as her brain started buzzing with ideas. A louder, longer cry made her lose focus for a moment, but she redoubled her efforts, frantically tapping away at the console. She needed time to gather the data on the beam, to come up with a strategy, the time that she did not have.

A bright orange flash made her look up just in time to see two more, wide orange beams pierce through the Na'kuhl ship, the resulting explosion ripping it to shreds. She dropped what she was doing and jumped over the captain, the woman's body now limp, head tilted to the side, arms splayed out next to it. With shaking hands Jidzi picked up the medical tricorder again, breathing a slight sigh of relief at the lifesign it displayed. It was erratic, but it was there, and it gave her hope.

" _Sh'era to Grahn, are you there commander?"_ Tala's voice came through the comlink, and Jidzi immediately tapped her combadge.

"I need emergency transport to sickbay, the captain got hit hard." She said, desperately trying to make her voice sound calm.

And but a moment later, they disappeared from the _Envoy_ 's cockpit, enveloped in the blue light of the transporter's particle beam.


	10. Visitors

**Author's note:**

 **Another chapter comes, and it's a longer one!  
Many thanks to my friend MaliceUnchained for the continued support, and also contributing his own character and lines to this chapter!  
Enjoy!**

* * *

"How is she, doctor?" Jidzi asked, unable to keep her hands steady, her entire body fidgeting with worry. She flagged down the hologram as soon as he left the sickbay.

"Stable, when it comes to the body at least. With the mind, I'm not so sure." Terrance responded, passing the PADD he was holding to the other officer. Jidzi grabbed the device, and skimmed through the text as the doctor continued talking. "Whatever that beam may have been, it must have somehow accelerated the progress of her condition. That's the only conclusion I could reach, given the very limited data I have." He sighed, the inability to do something clearly starting to get to him. "The symptoms the captain is showing, match those of some of the Zan-Eth patients with the same illness. Low energy levels, inability to function correctly, slowed metabolism and energy regeneration. All, as I imagine, caused by the brain functions being diverted from body control and regulation. But it's not that I'm worried about." Terrance ran a hand through his beard, a frown on his face. "In other patients, what I assume was extremely heightened neural activity, caused sleep deprivation and a near constant alert state. As you might imagine, this, coupled with generally lowered levels of energy the body can keep, is extremely draining. I-" He paused, a deep sigh escaping his lips, as he locked gazes with Jidzi. "I believe that in her current state, I can keep her alive for a week, maybe a few days longer."

Jidzi's shoulders slumped visibly and she fell against the corridor wall, sliding down it to sit on the floor. She let out a long, heavy sigh, her gaze turning blank as she stared at the ground in front of her.

"Hey doc, how's the-" Tala rounded the corner, and started speaking when she noticed the hologram. The sight of Jidzi gave her pause. "That bad?"

"If we don't find a way to help, the captain has about a week to live." Terrance explained grimmly, stealing a worried glance at the Trill.

The Andorian's eyes went wide. "That's-"

"She almost crawled out of it." Jidzi said suddenly, looking up at them, tears forming at the edges of her eyes. "She was so close, I could feel it."

"Hey." Tala said gently, kneeling down next to her, putting her hand on the woman's shoulder in a reassuring gesture. "She still will, I'm sure of it. You can't give up now." She offered Jidzi a warm smile. "Besides, I came down here with some good news. Vice admiral O'Neill contacted us to say they should be here within six hours."

"I hope…" Jidzi's breath hitched in her throat. "I hope he will have some way to help her, because…" A sob she desperately tried to stop escaped her. "I couldn't bear losing her now." And finally the dam burst, and tears started flowing, the stress and fears of the last few days finally finding their way out, breaking free.

Tala moved slightly closer and put both her arms around the Trill, pulling her into an embrace. "Shh, it will all work out. You'll see, the captain will be back on her feet in no time." She spoke in a soft tone, trying to soothe the other woman's nerves at least slightly.

Terrance knelt down next to her as well, gently rubbing Jidzi's shoulder in reassurance. "We will find a way to help her." He said confidently.

It took a few more minutes for Jidzi to calm down, to find her determination again. But when she did, it flared even stronger than before, as if to make up for faltering, if just for a moment. She steadied her breathing, wiped the tears from her eyes and cleared her throat. Both Tala and Terrance pulled away at the sound, and stood up as she did. Jidzi ran her sleeve over her face, soaking up the remainder of the tears from her cheeks. "You're right. I won't give up now. Can I see her, doctor?" She said, her voice filled with determination again, and strength to carry on.

"I would prefer she rested for now, but I'll let you know when she wakes up." Terrance explained, his promise placating the woman for now.

"Can I wait inside?" She asked, pointing at the sickbay doors.

"As long as you don't disturb the captain, I don't see why not." The doctor nodded.

"Thank you." She paused for a moment. "Tala, please let me know when the admiral arrives."

"Of course." The Andorian replied, bowing her head slightly.

Jidzi nodded and moved past them and into the sickbay.

They watched her go, and exchanges worried glances when she disappeared behind the closed door. Terrance hummed, running his hand over his beard. "I don't think I've ever seen the commander react so strongly."

"When you joined, she already had much experience dealing with death and desperation. And she has been under a lot of stress lately, everyone has their limits." Tala replied, and couldn't keep the worry out of her voice. She sighed, and adjusted her uniform. "I'll get back to the bridge. Keep me posted, doctor."

"Of course." The hologram said, giving her a quick nod as they parted, Tala marching off down the corridor, and Terrance entering the sickbay.

* * *

Eilis woke up with a pained grunt, her head still throbbing from the experience, and she opened her eyes to see the sickbay's ceiling above her. She felt a warm, gentle touch on her hand, a feeling of a thumb running over the back of her hand slowly. The feeling of someone else's hand in her. But it felt strangely dimmed, distanced.

"Hey." Jidzi's warm voice called out to her, and she shifted her head to look back at the woman. A small, soft smile was on her face, and Eilis couldn't help but smile herself when she saw her. "How are you feeling?" The Tril asked, concern evident in her voice.

"As if a Targ trampled me." Eilis said, and tried to sit up. When her arms were sluggish to respond, and she couldn't find the strength to lift herself, instead crashing back down onto the bed from the small distance she managed, she let out a heavy sigh. "Or rather a whole herd of them." The gentle squeeze she felt on her hand, meant to offer reassurance, drew her attention back to Jidzi, and she noticed the sadness in her eyes, one that she tried to hide, but Eilis knew her too well for that to work. "How bad is it?" She asked, adjusting the grip she had on Jidzi's hand.

The officer looked down at the gesture, although her gaze started growing distant. "The doctor…" She paused as her breath hitched in her throat, and took a few deep breaths, calming herself. She locked her eyes with Eilis's. "The doctor said that the Na'kuhl likely, somehow, accelerated the progress of your condition. If we don't find a way to help you…" She spoke calmly, but her demeanor started to brake when she got to the worst part of the message. She looked away, unable to keep eye contact. A reassuring squeeze of her hand, caused her lips to turn into a small smile, and she looked back up at Eilis, the woman looking right into her eyes, nodding her head slightly in encouragement. Jidzi felt a sting of tears at the edges of her eyes again, as she let out a sigh. "The doctor says you have a week, maybe a bit more." She finally said, her head dropping.

The movement, and rustle of the captain's uniform snapped her attention back up, to see Eilis trying to sit up again. Jidzi stood up immediately, bending forward, putting her hand on Eilis's shoulder, and pressing lightly. She was about to tell her she should be resting, when the captain raised her hands, throwing them over Jidzi's neck, a gentle pull all she could manage, but it was enough to make her intentions clear. The Trill leaned in, their lips crashing together in a kiss. It was soft, gentle, filled with affection and reassurance, and for that brief moment, nothing else mattered, and the whole universe seemed to come to a standstill, leaving only them, pouring all of their love into that simple gesture. The love that brewed quietly over the years and was finally finding the outlet it needed.

Jidzi finally pulled away, sitting back down and nudging her chair closer to the bed, taking Eilis's hand between hers. "It will be alright, Eilis." She said, sounding as confident as she could.

The captain's smile widened, and she looked into Jidzi's eyes for a few moments before speaking. "You're here… So it already is." She said quietly, already running out of energy after her brief rest.

Jidzi squeezed her hand gently and stood up again, leaning in to place a brief kiss on her lips, and then another on her forehead. She let go with one of her hands, running it instead through Eilis's hair, putting a loose strand behind her ear. "Get some rest for now." She said with a warm smile, placing another peck on the captain's lips. "Maybe when you next wake up, your brother will already be here, to help."

Eilis nodded lazily, her eyelids already heavy. She gripped Jidzi's hand slightly tighter, as if unwilling to let go, and soon after, thanks to the Trill's gentle touch and soothing words she somehow managed to drift off to sleep, Jidzi's presence acting calmingly, giving her the strength to put her mind at ease, to break through the throbbing pain and chaos in her head, and rest.

* * *

"Sir, the _Voyager_ and the _Vigilant_ just dropped out of warp at the edge of the system." Nelen reported, bringing the two ships up on the viewscreen. The _Intrepid_ -class escorted by the larger _Archon_ -class were now zooming through space towards them.

"Signal the ships that the admirals may beam over at their leisure. I'll head down to transporter room 8. Nelen, you have the bridge." Tala said, moving towards the turbolift. She tapped her combadge. "Sh'era to Grahn."

" _Go ahead."_ Jidzi's voice came back through the comms.

"Admiral O'Neill has arrived." She reported, entering the turbolift.

* * *

The transporter's beam brightened the room, as two people materialized on the pad. The dark skinned Vulcan, Rear Admiral Tuvok, his expression passive as ever, and Vice Admiral William O'Neill, whose greenish-yellow skin and veiny complexion couldn't quite overshadow the similarities to his twin sister. He offered Tala a small smile, his expression remaining overall grim.

Tala bowed her head slightly, before taking a step forward as the men stepped down from the transporter pad. "Welcome aboard admirals. It is a pleasure to see both of you, sirs, again."

"Likewise. Although I wish the circumstances were better." William said extending his hand for Tala to shake.

The Andorian did so, letting a small sigh escape her lips. "Don't we all, sir." She gestured to the door. "Please follow me. I'll take you to sickbay to meet with the captain." She left the transporter room, both the admirals in tow.

"Commander, perhaps you could properly fill us in on what has transpired, since this condition started affecting admiral O'Neill?" Tuvok said, his tone characteristically calm.

"Although I'm sure commander Grahn will be able to tell you more, I can relay what I know." Tala responded, nodding slightly.

* * *

The door to sickbay slid open, and William and Tuvok entered, Tala dismissing herself to return to her duties at the bridge. Jidzi stood up from the side of Eilis's medical bed, and adjusted her uniform, taking a step towards the approaching men. "Admiral O'Neill, Admiral Tuvok." She gave each of them a respectful nod.

The Vulcan responded with a simple "Commander." and a nod of his own.

William offered her a warm "Jidzi." and a brief handshake, during which he shot her a strange look. Then he quickly approached the bed, laying his hand on his sister's arm. He took a shaky breath, closing his eyes for a moment.

Eilis looked up at him. "Hey, Will, good to see you." She said weakly, before turning her head towards the other man. "And very 'agreeable' to see you as well, Tuvok." She said with a small smile.

The Vulcan bowed his head a bit deeper, in an acknowledgment of both the welcome and the joke. "Likewise, admiral."

"You could never stay out of trouble, could you?" William shook his head, his lips twisting into a sad smile. He moved his hand to grasp one of Eilis's, and he glanced at Jidzi before looking back.

Eilis smiled, squeezing his hand gently, and giving him a subtle nod. "I think it's more that trouble has a way of finding me."

William let out a small chuckle. "That's certainly true." He cleared his throat, looking up at the Trill. "If you will, Jidzi, I'd like you to fill me and Tuvok in on what happened recently. Tala gave us the basics, and said you would have more details."

Jidzi glanced at Eilis, before nodding, and adjusting her uniform again. "Certainly, sir."

And as much detail as she was willing to go into, she decided to keep the acts of affection to herself, glancing at the captain every once in a while. She decided to leave it to Eilis to reveal their newly founded relationship, and let herself enjoy how the woman smiled when Jidzi had to work around the times they kissed.

* * *

The turbolift doors opened, and immediately Tala had been flagged by Nelen, standing at the science console, tapping away. "Good thing you're here, sir." He said, glancing up at her, before pointing at the sensor data displayed before him. "We've detected some unusual tachyon emissions, barely qualifying as little more than a sensor echo. But we've been monitoring for things like this, since they can indicate a cloaked sh-"

"Unauthorized transport detected!" Kyn, the Breen security officer alerted them to a bright transported beam, materializing in the middle of the bridge. The Chief of security drew his phaser and pointed it at the target.

Out of the matter stream, emerged none other, but the Bajoran Kassai Lydana, Fleet Admiral in Starfleet Intelligence. "Would someone please explain," the admiral said in a measured tone, "exactly what is going on here?"

The Andorian fixed her uniform, gesturing for Kyn to lower his weapon. "Admiral Kassai." She said carefully. "I must say, this is quite a surprise."

Lydana fixed the officer with a steady glare, clasping her hands behind her back as she moved slowly across the bridge. "No more a surprise than when I found not one, not two but _three_ high-ranking Starfleet officers, gathered in the middle of nowhere like rebellious lovers. Now please, answer my question."

Tala stiffened, straightening her posture and adopting a stern, militaristic expression. "I'm afraid the admirals' business here is their own, and I feel I'm not at liberty to disclose it."

The Bajoran sighed, frowning thoughtfully at Tala. "I respect your loyalty to your superiors, but in this instance it is not just _their_ business, it's also mine. If you can't answer me, then the Admirals themselves will have to. Escort me to them, if you will."

Tala considered her options for a moment, her antennae twitching slightly, before nodding and loosening her stance. "As you wish." She gestured towards the turbolift.

"Wise move." Lydana answered, her lips quirking in a partial smile as she headed for the lift.

The Andorian sighed quietly, following after the admiral, giving a slight head signal to Nelen, to notify the officers in sickbay. She never liked Intelligence getting involved, especially since they usually found out after the fact. She stepped into the lift beside the other woman, and turned towards the entrance. "Deck 12." She said, and the doors slid closed.

* * *

Tala stopped in front of the sickbay doors, turning to face the Bajoran. "Here we are, ma'am. You'll find the admirals inside."

"Thank you, Commander." the admiral answered with a curt nod. "I'll let you return to your duties." Without even waiting for a response, the diminutive admiral stepped through the sickbay doors, moving towards the gathering around one of the medical beds.

All eyes turned to her when she entered, an animated conversation cutting abruptly, and William took a step towards her, clearing his throat, a polite smile on his face. "Ah. Admiral Kassai. It seems nothing can escape your sight."

Lydana grinned in genuine humour. "You should know by now, William, Intelligence is everywhere. Now, will _someone_ tell me what is happening, before I start getting annoyed?"

"It's a personal matter, and I-" William begun, but paused when Eilis's weak voice came from behind him.

"Lydana." The woman smiled. "I'm afraid I'm the reason you're all the way out here." She extended her hand towards the woman, the whole limb shaking slightly from the effort of being held up.

"Eilis," the Bajoran said, moving up to the older woman's side, her brow furrowed in concern. "You never did know when to take it easy. What's happened?"

"She's affected by a certain fatal mental condition, and this is the final stage." William sighed, moving beside the bed. "And now she's refusing the only treatment we know of." He said with a hint of frustration getting through in his voice.

Eilis turned her head slowly towards her brother. "It's too dangerous. I won't risk your sanities to save my own."

"Too damn stubborn, Eilis, that's your problem," Lydana answered, only half joking. "I'm not content to believe this is the _only_ treatment. Send all the data you have to the _Shadow_ , we'll see what we can dig up." She noticed the dubious expressions of William and Terrance, the calm questioning look from Tuvok, and added, "You forget - at heart, she's still a science ship, just like I'm still a scientist. Let me help."

"As much as I respect your abilities, ma'am, I doubt you can accomplish in days what generations of the brightest Zan-Eth medical minds couldn't. We're short on time, since in a few days Eilis could be too far gone for the mind walk to work, or even dead. I'm not willing to take that chance and wait." William explained, growing increasingly irritated. "The risks to the treatment are acceptable, and Tuvok believes he wouldn't be in danger at all. But if it's to have even a remote chance of success, we need your cooperation Eilis."

"It's too dangerous. There is too much potential for disaster." Eilis said weakly, shaking her head.

"I don't recall asking anyone's permission," Lydana snapped. "You're right, maybe I won't find anything. But if Eilis refuses this treatment, then no doctor has the right to override her decision without good cause. If you won't look for an alternative, I will. Now send. Me. The data."

"I don't think you understand, ma'am." William started, annoyance clear in his voice. "There is no-"

"Well isn't this just a lovely bunch." A soft voice, followed by a giggle stopped William's rant, and all eyes turned towards its source. A rather petite, young woman, raven coloured hair tied in a ponytail, and intensively green eyes that stared back at them, was making her way across the sickbay. She wore a mostly black uniform, the right arm, shoulder and part of the chest, up to the collar covered in blue diamond pattern. Five golden chevrons attached to a small black plate with a silver border, her rank insignia, were attached slightly below her collar, on the right. When she set her her eyes on Lydana, her smile turned slightly more smug. "Even my favourite Bajoran is here, looking dapper as ever." She gave the woman a playful wink.

"Anais," Lydana acknowledged, offering the newcomer a lopsided smile. "Are you ever going to make good on this flirting, or is it just for show?"

"I think there is too much of an audience here right now, don't you think?" Anais said with a sly smile, as she stopped in front of the Bajoran. She leaned in a bit closer, glancing to both sides conspiratorially. "But I do have a ship nearby, with some very lovely quarters, and _the_ most comfortable bed in this century." She winked again, before straightening her posture, and moving past the woman, and offering a mock salute to Tuvok and William, and a small wave to Jidzi, before stopping at Eilis's bedside.

"I'll hold you to that." The young admiral called back, her cheeks reddening despite her previous confidence. "William! I expect that data within the hour, and if I don't receive it then you will become very well acquainted with the nearest airlock. Eilis, we'll do all we can to find an answer, you have my word." With a final shy glance towards the newcomer, Lydana turned on her heel and strode out of sickbay, heading for the Relentless' transporter room.

Anais watched her go with a wide grin, much enjoying William's and Terrance's stunned expressions, and Tuvok's eyebrow raised in confusion. A soft chuckle turned her attention back to the woman on the bed. "You've not changed a bit." Eilis said, smiling up at the woman.

Anais scoffed playfully. "Why would I change, I'm great already." She replied, her smile still wide. "You however, love, look terrible."

Eilis chuckled again. "And I feel even worse. Although this time, it's not entirely by fault of my own."

"Well I'm here now to make sure no more future pals of mine crash your party, while you get your brain in order." The temporal agent said, giving the woman a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

"If she agrees to the treatment you mean." William, who had recovered by then, took a step forward, shooting a pleading look at his sister.

Eilis sighed. "Will…" She started but a voice interrupted her.

"Admirals." Jidzi said suddenly, up until then simply standing silently by Eilis's bedside, her brow knitted in worry, eyes filled with concern, and gears in her brain spinning for a solution. When all eyes turned to her, she swallowed and cleared her throat. "Could you… could you give me a moment to talk with the captain alone?"

William and Tuvok exchanged a glance, and the Zan-Eth man nodded. "Of course." He gave Jidzi a knowing look. Before he could turn to leave Eilis weakly grabbed his hand.

"Will, send Lydana the data." She asked, looking him in the eyes.

Her brother sighed. "Fine." He responded, before turning on his heel and moving towards the exit. Tuvok followed after offering both of them an acknowledging nod, and Anais gave Eilis's shoulder a last reassuring squeeze, and offered Jidzi a smile, followed by a wink and a thumbs-up as she started to leave.

"You too Terrance." Jidzi turned to the holographic doctor. "I'll let you know if anything happens."

"As you wish." The man nodded and walked towards the exit.

This action brought a small smile to Jidzi's face, as she watched him go, because the man could have simply disappeared.

"Jidzi." Eilis said, looking up at the woman. "I know what you're going to say and-"

The Trill stopped her from saying more, by leaning down quickly, and pressing her lips against the captain's. The kiss was long, and desperate, and Jidzi poured all of her love into it, something that the other woman didn't hesitate to reciprocate. When she finally broke away, she stayed close, looking the captain straight in the eyes. "Please, Eilis, I don't want to lose you." She said, her voice trembling. "All those years I've followed you, and you were always selfless, putting others first. Can't you be selfish just this once?" She let herself drop, burying her head into the other woman's neck as tears started to stream down her face.

Eilis brought up her free arm, and put it around the Trill. "Jidzi." She started, fighting her own tears. "The danger…"

"I don't care." Jidzi said into her neck, before lifting herself slightly, shaking her head. "I don't care about the danger. I know it will work, it has to. I…" She paused, her breath hitching and her eyes widening slightly at the realization, as she looked into Eilis's. "I love you." She said, her lip trembling. "I can't lose you." She shook her head again.

The captain looked at her stunned for a moment, before her features softened. She gently pulled Jidzi in, to place a soft kiss on her lips. "I love you, too." She whispered against the Trill's lips. They stared into each other's eyes, and neither could keep the smile from forming on their face, despite everything. "I'll use that to stabilize to ritual." Eilis added after the long moment passed.

Jidzi's eyes widened. "You mean you'll go through with it?" After receiving a confirming nod, she almost leapt forward, embracing the other woman in the most loving hug she had ever given.

Eilis smiled, bringing her hand up to slowly caress Jidzi's hair. "I want to stay with you. So I'll do it, both for you and… myself."

"Thank you." The Trill smiled, lifting herself to place a soft kiss on the other woman's lips. "How… how about we give admiral Kassai a few days to get through the data? Maybe she will find something." She offered, shyly.

"I'd appreciate that." Eilis responded, a warm smile on her face. "How long do you think we should wait?"

Jidzi leant back in, placing another gentle kiss on Eilis's lips, before nuzzling her face into the woman's neck. "We can discuss that later with Terrance and your brother. Now I just want to stay with you, like this." She raised herself, blushing as she looked into the captain's eyes. "If you want to, that is."

Eilis chuckled, and pulled Jidzi into another kiss, longer, filled to the brim with love. After a while the Trill pulled away, and Eilis looked into her eyes for a moment, finding reflected in them, despite everything, the same happiness she was feeling herself. "I want nothing more right now."

* * *

The door to the _Shadow of Bajor_ 's biomedical lab slid open, and T'Vrell, the ship's second officer, lead Jidzi in. A few researchers working inside raised their heads briefly to see who entered, before returning to their work. The two women made their way across the room, towards the small figure of Admiral Kassai, currently pouring over one of the consoles.

"Admiral," the Vulcan announced with typical calm, "Commander Grahn of the _Relentless_ is here to see you."

Lydana looked up from her work, brushing a stray hair back behind her ear with a small frown, and rose to greet her guest. "Commander, forgive me," she said gently and extended her hand. "I had no idea you were coming over."

Jidzi took the admiral's hand and shook it. "I'm sorry, ma'am, I probably should have called." She smiled sadly. "I was hoping we could talk?"

Lydana nodded in understanding, gesturing towards a small private office area. "Of course, Commander. T'Vrell, please make sure we aren't disturbed."

The Vulcan inclined her head in agreement, and Lydana led Jidzi to the office. "Thank you, ma'am." The Trill said, following the admiral. "I hope I'm not imposing."

"Not at all." Lydana replied with a reassuring smile. "Any friend of the Admiral is welcome aboard my ship. What can I do for you?"

"I..." She sighed. "I've convinced E- Admiral O'Neill to undertake the mind walk." She rubbed her arm somewhat awkwardly. "In three days."

Lydana sighed, rubbing her nose ridges in irritation. "I wish I could say I approve, Commander." She said, leaning against the office desk. "For a start it doesn't give me much time to find an alternative. Second, after what I've read, I understand Admiral O'Neil's concerns more than ever. Unfortunately, while I may not approve, I..." She sighed again, shaking her head. "I wish I could say it was the wrong move."

"I know ma'am. It's just..." She exhaled, steadying herself. "If we wait too long we may lose our chance, and while I hope you'll find some other way..." She sighed. "It's not a chance I am too eager to take."

"Then I best work faster, hadn't I?" Lydana said firmly. "Although...I feel there is more you need to discuss. Please, don't hold back. If there is anything else I can do, just ask."

"I have a... favour to ask, ma'am." Jidzi said, her hands fidgeting nervously.

"Name it." Lydana stated, without hesitation.

"Since the worst case scenario of the mind walk is... everyone involved ending up insane or dead," Jidzi took a steadying breath. "I'm afraid, despite everything, that Eilis- Admiral O'Neill, I mean, may ask you, ma'am, to order us not to proceed, as the highest ranking officer here. I-" She paused for a moment, clearly struggling to say it. "I'd like you to disregard that request, ma'am."

Lydana blinked in surprise, staring at Jidzi for a moment in case she was joking.

Except, of course, she wasn't.

"So, less a favour, and more a request to disregard the wishes of a patient." She gnawed on her lip, shaking her head once more. "That's a hell of a moral dilemma you've given me, and I don't know if i can agree. I have to weigh her life against the other two admirals, and despite my own feelings on the matter I would have to look at the matter objectively."

"Ma'am, I know that in this particular matter, I can't be objective, but I have a feeling the treatment will work. Eli- Admiral O'Neill was close to beating her condition before the Na'kuhl arrived, and I know she can do it with our help now." She took a few breaths to calm her rising emotions before continuing. "I know her brother believes the danger is only so high in theory, and admiral Tuvok said he shouldn't be in any real danger at all, thanks to his mental discipline. Or help from another Vulcan should the worst happen." Jidzi spoke passionately, desperation seeping into her voice. "Besides, Eilis is not thinking clearly, so she shouldn't... I mean she doesn't... She..." The Trill scrambled for words, feeling the sting of tears at the edges of her eyes.

In a move that defied protocol, Lydana pulled Jidzi into a comfort embrace, the older woman's emotional state making the decision for her. "It goes against my better judgement," Lydana said softly, "but I'll do it. Who knows, if she survives she may even talk to me again in my lifetime."

"Thank you." Jidzi whispered, her breath hitching and tears starting to stream down her face. "She may not even ask, but I had to make sure... I had to."

Something in the Commander's voice seemed somehow familiar to Lydana, and she patted the woman's shoulder in a gesture of comfort. "I...think I understand, Jidzi," she said, "and she's lucky to have someone like you at her side. Given what I've read...she'll need your strength."

"Thank you, ma'am." Jidzi replied, taking a step back and wiping away her tears. "And I apologise for my... outburst." She cleared her throat, and straightened her posture. "It was unbecoming and I'm sorry you had to see it ma'am."

"You want to talk about unbecoming, you should see what I did to my quarters after-" Lydana cut herself off, her expression turning pained for a moment before she smiled at Jidzi again. "Yes, well. I wouldn't worry, Commander, and if you ever need to talk you know where I am. I'll have T'Vrell escort you back to the transporter room." She said, moving out of the office. "Apparently I'm on a much shorter timer now!" She smiled broadly at the Trill, before returning to her console, settling in for a long night of research.


	11. Readiness

**Author's note:**

 **Well, this took way longer than it should have. A different story has been consuming my writing power lately, however, and there is little I can do about it. The next chapter of this may be a while too, since I need to think it over a lot, to make it good.**

 **Thank you to MaliceUnchained, my good friend, for the continuous support and not nagging me about this story too much.**

 **Thank you to Folwod for your review. You've made quite a few points in it, and I'd like to address them.  
As to why Eilis is mostly referred to as 'Sir', I took that idea from Voyager, where Harry Kim got confused on how he should refer to Janeway. And while she might have had a preferred way, Eilis doesn't mind either way, so she doesn't correct people and just let's them go with whatever they like.  
I didn't want to give Jidzi the rank of captain, because in my mind she would just get a different ship to command, since Eilis is the CO of the Relentless.  
As to taking over on the bridge, it falls to the highest ranking officer that's present there, instead of them having to call for whoever would be designated for it.  
And why they refer to Eilis as captain? Well, the CO of a starship in Starfleet is referred to as captain even if their rank is lower, so I don't see why it shouldn't when it's higher as well. It's more to do with the position on the ship, rather than rank, at least in my mind.**

 **Well, enough rambling! Enjoy!**

* * *

The medbay doors slid open, turning the attention of Eilis and Jidzi to the figure of Admiral Kassai, who had just entered the room. Jidzi patted Eilis's hand, before standing up from the chair by the captain's bed. "I'll leave you two alone. I need to go prepare." She said with a warm smile, receiving a slight nod, and a gentle squeeze of her hand in return. She let Eilis's fingers slip from her grasp as she started walking towards the exit, passing the Bajoran, and offering her a lopsided smile.

Lydana offered the Commander a curt nod, her expression troubled as she entered the medbay. "Eilis." The Admiral's tone lacked inflection, but the pain in her eyes was obvious. "I thought… I wanted to see you, before… you know."

The captain smiled weakly, letting out a small, appreciative hum. "I know. Might be the last chance we have to talk." She said calmly, exhaustion being the only apparent thing affecting her voice.

Lydana sighed as she approached Eilis' bedside, her face betraying her concern. "Eilis… I didn't know. I'm so sorry, I had no idea, I didn't..." She closed her eyes, hanging her head in sorrow. "I didn't know." She repeated in a small voice.

Eilis adopted a concerned expression and reached out with her hand, gently grasping one of the Bajoran's, squeezing it in reassurance. "It's alright, Lydana. I assume you couldn't find any other solution, but there is no reason to blame yourself for that." She said in a calming tone, the Bajoran's failure in what she set out to do being the only reason she could think of, for the woman to behave that way. "Everything may still turn out alright." She stated, offering the woman a warm smile.

Lydana frowned, shaking her head slowly as she squeezed Eilis' hand. "No, I mean… of course I'm sorry for that, but I meant… I didn't know about your abilities, how they functioned… how much they're affected by emotion. When we first met..." The Bajoran's breath hitched, as she remembered the events that occurred the day she first met Eilis in person. "Well, I was a mess, wasn't I? I had no idea what meeting me in that state did to you, and I'm… I'm sorry, for causing this damage to you."

Eilis frowned for a moment, before her features softened again, and she ran her thumb over the top of the admiral's hand. "Lydana. You didn't know." She said sternly. "Do not blame yourself, because I would never blame you for what happened. Of course you were in the state you were, it cannot be helped." She smiled reassuringly again, giving Lyddie's hand another gentle squeeze. "And while, I admit, it is still a strong memory, it alone wouldn't even come close to causing this... condition. I did this to myself, Lydana, a payment for all those years of being in absolute control of my emotions. In situations where I really shouldn't have been." She sighed. "Really, my friend, do not trouble yourself with the past. You are not responsible for this."

The Bajoran stayed silent for a moment, apparently unconvinced. "I wish I was able to believe that, Eilis," she said quietly, "but given what I've read… I may not have been responsible for the entirety of your condition, but I damn well helped." Lydana finally straightened, seeming to shake off her melancholy. "Anyway, while I'm here, is there anything I can do for you? I wanted to see if I could help before I meet with Anais."

Eilis sighed, shaking her head. "Well, for one, you can believe it." She smiled, briefly. "And actually I'd like to ask you for a favour." She took a deep breath. "Since the mind walk has a potential to end with disaster, I wanted to ask you to..." Her voice broke, and she looked past Lydana, towards the medbay doors, and stayed silent for a few moments, her brows knitting together, as she fought an internal battle. She breathed another heavy sigh, and turned her eyes back to the Bajoran. "If this goes wrong, I want myself to take the blame. Starfleet will want to find out what happened, and I know that you have the power to... 'alter facts' let's say. If someone's record is to take a fall for this, let it be mine..." She closed her eyes, letting out a steadying breath.

"Are you sure?" Lydana asked tentatively. "A record as fine as yours, I'd much rather see you raised as an example to follow than a cautionary tale. But, if that's what you want from me..." She inhaled through her teeth. "I'll make it happen. And I'll see to it the rest of your crew are looked after."

"I appreciate it, Lydana. I do, however, hope that none of that will be necessary." She turned to stare at the ceiling and sighed. "I'll do my best to ensure the mind walk is either a success, or the damage it causes is mitigated to me alone. The risk..." She looked back at the Bajoran. "I considered asking you to order the others not to proceed... But as selfish as it might sound... I find myself with a good reason to live. And maybe, the probability of disaster is just small enough to be acceptable..."

Lydana couldn't help but chuckle. "Just as well you didn't." She told Eilis with a smile. "Jidzi already asked me to refuse that request, and despite the moral dilemma it put me in I agreed - but, you didn't hear that from me." Lydana smiled at the older officer, a knowing glint in her eyes. "She cares about you, Eilis. Survive this, so you can take care of her. I don't think I fancy trying to play matchmaker for her if you fail."

Eilis pondered her words for a few moments, before the edges of her lips turned up. "That's just like something she would do, isn't it. The last line of defense against my stubbornness." She shook her head, now with a full on smile on her face. She looked up at the Bajoran. "And yet, she is the reason I didn't ask. I love her, Lydana, and I want a chance to be with her." Despite everything, there was happiness in her eyes, accompanied by fierce determination, to survive, to see this through.

"Then by the Prophets, Eilis, don't die." Lydana chuckled again, patting her friend's hand. "Rest now, Eilis. There's a lot ahead of you, and I want you to have the best chance of surviving… and know that however I can help, now or in the future, you have only to ask."

"Thank you Lydana. And be sure that you can always rely on me as well." Eilis responded, with a smile. Which only widened at her next thought. "So you mentioned you're going to see Anais? Anything I should know about?"

As always in such conversations, Lydana's cheeks reddened, and she attempted to hide her shy smile. "I… don't know. I owe Anais a great debt, the same one I owe you, so it'd be nice to thank her… but I think I like her. We're, um… we're having dinner. "

"Dinner, hmm?" Eilis said, raising her eyebrows, a wide smile and a knowing look on her face. "Sounds romantic."

Once again, Lydana tried to hide her embarrassment, but failed miserably. "It's just dinner." She protested bashfully. "Just two people having a meal… alone." She heaved a heavy sigh, looking away from the older woman. "It's been five years, Eilis. I've grieved long enough. "

"You certainly have, my friend." Eilis said with a warm smile. "And I'm happy for you. Now go get her. I imagine it will be quite an experience, dating a time traveler, hmm?" She gave the woman a quick wink.

Lydana laughed, her cheeks heating again. "True, but at least I'm better educated about temporal mechanics this time!" She laughed, briefly remembering the incident that brought her to Anais' attention. "I'd better go," she said at last, "I wouldn't want to be late, although whether that even means anything to a Temporal Agent, I don't even know. Prophets, a person could go mad thinking about it all!" She rested a hand on Eilis's shoulder, and gave her a smile. "Now rest, Eilis. That's an order. And I will see you after the… 'treatment'."

Eilis patted the Bajoran's hand, looking up at the woman. "I'll see you then. Good luck with your date." She grinned and winked again.

"I'll keep you updated on that then." Lydana said with a laugh. "Be safe, Eilis. You know what I'll do to you if you won't." She squeezed Eilis' shoulder gently, then made her way back toward the door.

"I look forward to hearing how it went." Eilis called after her, a wide grin on her face. "Good luck!"

Lydana gave a cheerful wave before finally leaving the medbay, praying desperately for the older admiral to make it through the trials ahead of her.

* * *

"Enter." William responded to a door chime that shook him out of his meditation. The doors slid open to reveal Jidzi, holding a PADD in her hand, she took a step into the guest quarters.

"I hope I'm not intruding, sir." She said, pausing at the door.

"Not at all, come on in." The man replied, beckoning for her to approach.

"I've brought the report from the Shadow of Bajor." Jidzi replied, lifting the PADD as she moved towards the man, and setting in on the coffee table in front of where William was sitting.

The man picked the PADD up and flipped through its contents, heaving a sigh. "As I expected, she found nothing new. Maybe if we had a few years, hmm?" He said sadly, looking up at the commander. "A shame we lost three days on this." He tossed the device back onto the coffee table, sighing again.

"Sir, your sister-" Jidzi started, but William cut her off by raising his hand in a stopping gesture.

"I know. She deserved the chance. I'll admit, I hoped Admiral Kassai would find something we missed, but it was not to be." He sighed once again, getting up from the couch. "We have prepared for the mind walk. Nothing else left but to proceed."

"Sir…" Jidzi started, shifting, nervously on her feet. "Before we begin, I think there is something you… should know."

"Like the fact that you and Eilis are in love, commander?" William smirked, the smile only turning more triumphant at the Trill's shocked expression. The man chuckled, placing his arm on Jidzi's shoulder. "Don't forget, I share my dear sister's abilities." He said, tapping one of his temples. "They may not be as developed as hers, but they're there."

"Right, I- I didn't think of that. I'm not sure why." Jidzi replied, lowering her gaze as her cheeks heated.

"You've been under a lot of stress lately, so it's understandable." William squeezed the Trill's shoulder reassuringly, before giving it a few pats and letting go. "But thank you for telling me. It took both of you long enough to admit it, didn't it?" He chuckled again, offering the woman a wide smile.

"Too long." Jidzi nodded, smiling as well.

"Come on then, let's get through this, so you and her can get some quality time together." William replied, gesturing towards the door. "And before Admiral Kassai starts breathing down my neck for dragging Tuvok away from his duties."

* * *

About an hour later, all preparations were complete, and all participants were gathered around Eilis's bedside in sickbay. The lights were dimmed and specially scented candles lit, to help induce a meditative state.

"Alright, I'll get through the plan once again, just in case." William said, breaking the silence. "Eilis, you just focus on keeping in control." His sister looked at him and nodded, smiling as her brother repeated the steps of the ritual for a third time. "Tuvok, you will mind-meld with Eilis, using the bond you two created the last time you did, as well as your mental training to help her control her mind and keep the mind walk stable." The Vulcan simply nodded, already sitting in position. "Terrance, you will monitor the whole thing, but like I said, don't stop the ritual unless you deem it absolutely, absolutely necessary."

"Otherwise it might do more harm than good." The holographic doctor finished for him, tapping away at his console.

"Right." William muttered, before turning to the Trill commander. "Jidzi, you and I will use our bonds to Eilis to enter her mind and help bring it back into a manageable state. Remember to keep focused."

"I will." Jidzi nodded with determination. "I won't fail you." She said, turning to Eilis and squeezing her hand reassuringly.

"Of course not." The woman replied weakly, smiling up at the Trill. "You never have."

"I suppose that's that." William replied, before heaving a deep sigh. "Good luck to all of us. Everyone ready?"

Eilis, Tuvok and Terrance nodded in affirmation, and all eyes turned to Jidzi. The woman hesitated for a moment longer before finally coming to a decision. "Just one more thing." She replied, before leaning in, and pulling Eilis into a deep, loving kiss.

The other woman smiled into it, weakly lifting her arm and throwing it around the Trill's neck and pouring all of her love into the kiss. That one kiss that could be their last.

Neither wanted to let go, but Jidzi broke the kiss a moment later, smiling and looking into Eilis's eyes. "I love you." She whispered breathlessly.

"I love you too." The Zan-Eth woman replied, returning the smile.

The pair broke their gaze, Jidzi straightening, and her cheeks heated as she glanced at the others. Terrance looked deeply invested in whatever was appearing on his console, Tuvok had raised one of his eyebrows and was watching her curiously, and William's face was adorned with a knowing, smug smirk. The Trill cleared her throat and took a step back. "Now I'm ready."

William chuckled, taking a step forward. "Let's begin then."

Eilis closed her eyes, steadying her breathing into deep, long, calming breaths. William nodded at Tuvok, and the man placed his hand over the woman's face. "My mind to your mind." He said quietly, closing his eyes, his brow knitting in focus. "Your thoughts to my thoughts."

Jidzi sat down next to Eilis's bed, taking the captain's hand into her own. William rested his hand over theirs, and placed the other one on Jidzi's head.

"We'll walk this landscape of thoughts. These roads of memories. This web of perception. To find what was lost. To lose what was found. To steady the storm. To incite the flame. May Ilá's light guide us through the darkness and may her blessing part the clouds that cover this mind." William chanted the words of the ancient ritual, his voice growing more distant and getting a slight ethereal quality as he spoke.

Jidzi steadied her breathing, trying to calm and relax as much as she could in preparation, unsure what to expect. As soon as William uttered the final word of the chant, the Trill felt a strong pull on her mind, feeling like she was falling and spinning widely as her brain desperately tried to comprehend what was happening.

A moment later she felt like she hit the floor, and the world went black.


End file.
